O_O I just realized how far this story went from my original idea for it. It's just crazy weird!

corey: Thanks for the complement! The next chapter should be up sometime tomorrow.

B_O: I try to make this story as detailed as I possibley can. And I don't know why I made Ace so bad in this. I seem to like giving my fav trouble in my stories. Dunno why. Thanks for the complements anyhow.

kari: Yes....it is very dramatic.....

Hehe...I actually got a start on the nineth chapter. Oooohh boy, is he gunna have troubles -shakes head sadly yet mischeiviously-. And another hint...... theres a good chance on another twist in the story. Not gunna say where, but...... 

I'm evil.

doggirl2772 wrote:

---

O_O I just realized how far this story went from my original idea for it. It's just crazy weird!

B_O: I try to make this story as detailed as I possibley can. And I don't know why I made Ace so bad in this. I seem to like giving my fav trouble in my stories. Dunno why. Thanks for the complements anyhow.

Hehe...I actually got a start on the nineth chapter. Oooohh boy, is he gunna have troubles -shakes head sadly yet mischeiviously-. And another hint...... theres a good chance on another twist in the story. Not gunna say where, but...... 

I'm evil.

---

Putting your fave characters through great psychological torment and throwing them into terrible danger is what helps them to develop into better characters in stories! So go ahead and continue making Ace miserable here! It's good for his character development!

Ones agen a great Chappie.

Poor poor Lex. Going throu such emoional chrama. She's probly tacking it the worst of all.
And whats the reson for piking Ace as leader knowing he was a gang member?

The little conflict of Lexi's heart and mind kinda remind me of Gollum's inner conflict between his Gollum and Smeagol identities from the "Lord of the Rings" movies! Very dramatic and it reflected Lexi's inner turmoil: to trust Ace or not, and it seems her heart won the inner battle eventually. Let's just hope Lexi's trusting heart doesn't let her down later!

And yes, clever Duck for thinking to question Zadavia! How inconvenient that Zadavia was called away before she could answer Duck's question about why she allowed Ace to be their leader.

Strong writing here doggirl! I can almost sense the great emotional torment you're going to put Ace thru' next! Us fic writers can be so very cruel!

 Hmm... the plot thickens... I love the story so far. I love your strong and thought provoking emotions there. Maybe there is more to this bunny than meets the eye. Why did Zadavia make Ace the leader? You're torturing us with cliffhangers! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Awwwww...thanks guys! I'd post up the next chapter, but its too long and I dont have enough time (I broke my computer again, so I'm using my uncle's right now). But I promise that Ch.9 will be up before I leave on the 29th.

Akira: Yais...a thickening plot is a great thrill in stories. I think my writing improved while the time passed. Its curtainly deeper and more emotional then my old stuff.

Cliffhangers are readers' worst enemys yet a writer's best friend. Its fun to write them!

Werdna335: First off, Welcome to LUO, where the fun of the forums never grow dull! I hope you like being here with the rest of us, its always a pleasure to meet more LU fans.

Secondly, thanks for the compliment. I feel great joy when my work is appreciated.

I promise that chapter 9 will be up soon. Maybe a sneek peak for being so paitent?

***
The sight that met him was a long, dimly lit hallway. Determined to finish what he had started, Ace slowly eased himself out of the vent and landed with a soft, dull thud onto the floor. He crept down the main hall and into the next, doing his best to stay in the shadows and out of sight. When he heard a member of the group coming, he'd hide in the darkest of shadows, which was pretty easy to do. After about 15 minutes of careful slinking in and out of the depths of shadows, through doors and down hallways, he finally approached the door with a brass nameplate. He creaked it open and looked inside. It was clearly an office, possibly the old owner's. It had a handsome, yet worn out, oak desk in the middle of the floor with a leather maroon swivel chair turned toward the window. Ace glared as he saw the man who he had hoped and prayed to never see after his little jail incident. His old boss, Darrel Marsh.
***

So, what do you think? Pretty good? Depressingly not enough info? Brick worthy? Comments? Complaints?

But remember, this is only a sneak peak for the chapter. The whole thing should be up sometime tomorrow or Saturday. If I'm lucky.

Sorry its later then promised but i finally got my computer working again This chapter is too long for one post soooo its another two post chapter. And without further aduo, Chapter 9.

                                                      Chapter 9

Ace singed off the hinges of the vent and opened it a bit.

He had finally found the Hunters' hideout, an old hotel on the outskirts of Acmetroplis. He had climbed into the open vent on the outside undetected. But that was the easy part. Now he had to lose his vent cover if he wanted to find who he was looking for.

The sight that met him was a long, dimly lit hallway. Determined to finish what he had started, Ace slowly eased himself out of the vent and landed with a soft, dull thud onto the floor. He crept down the main hall and into the next, doing his best to stay in the shadows and out of sight. When he heard a member of the group coming, he'd hide in the darkest of shadows, which was pretty easy to do. After about 15 minutes of careful slinking in and out of the depths of shadows, through doors and down hallways, he finally approached the door with a brass nameplate. He creaked it open and looked inside. It was clearly an office, possibly the old owner's. It had a handsome, yet worn out, oak desk in the middle of the floor with a leather maroon swivel chair turned toward the window. Ace glared as he saw the man who he had hoped and prayed to never see after his little jail incident. His old boss, Darrel Marsh.

Since Darrel was facing away from him, Ace opened the door wide enough for himself to enter and closed it softly behind him. Taking a deep breath, he muttered, "So, whats up doc?"

He noticed Darrel flinch at his voice and smirked to himself. That was, until Darrel turned the chair around and frown at the bunny before him. He was older then the rest of them, mid 30s, but still had the same cold gaze and features that he reserved for his enemies. And right now, they were aimed at Ace. They softened a bit as Darrel gave a small smile of greeting, "Well, well, well. You finally show up. After killing a good amount of my men too I might add."

"I didn't kill them. You and the others did." Ace replied coldly.

Darrel just laughed cruelly at the bunny's statement, "You think what you want kid , but we both know that the only reason they died is because of you." He looked down at his desk and started writing down something on a piece of paper. "Why'd you come back Ace? Forgiveness perhaps?"

Ace felt his confidence slip a bit but he didn't show it. He gulped before continuing, "I came here because....."

"Because you want this whole thing to stop. Am I correct?" Darrel interrupted, raising an eyebrow. "Or, is it because you want to return to the Hunters? Since you were, and still are, the best member we have."

Ace stood shocked before he regained himself yet again. "I'm not a member and I never will be, not again. Ya, I did come here for this whole thing to stop. Innocent people will be hurt if......"

"Ace, innocent people have already been hurt, because of you." Darrel said, not bothering to look up at the agitated bunny. "For example, that child on the day you four robbed that bank....."

"He wasn't hurt!" Ace protested.

"Actually he was. He was traumatized. By what you did. Your parents, how do you think they reacted when they found out their son had been thrown in jail for an attempt of robbing a bank and assault on an officer? Or when they found out about the other charges you had against you? Those friends of yours, the Loonatics I believe, what do you think was going through their minds when they saw you fight Terry? Or when you told them all about your past with us? Yes, I know you told them everything," Darrel continued, not having to look up to see the stunned expression on the bunny's face. "I do have other ways then the chip for tracking you down. Then Jackson......"

"You leave Jack outta this!" Ace snapped, feeling his temper start to boil.

Darrel smirked at him before continuing. "Anyway, the point is, we won't stop until we get what we rightfully deserve."

Ace glared at him and stood his ground as a feeling of dread washed over him. "And what would that be?"

Darrel grinned before standing up and walking over to the window, looking out at the darkening landscape. "Since you have executed many of my finest men, and doing something completely unforgivable, I think the best punishment would be.....you life."

Ace had expected him to say something like this but it still took its toll on him. Was this the man who had taught and cared for him in the darkest of times? The same man who Ace had looked up to as a mentor? The very man Ace had referred to numerous times as his best friend?

Ace finally found his voice and spoke, "You do what you want Darrel, but I ain't goin' nowhere without a fight."

Darrel chuckled before turning back to face his former friend. "You really think that?" he asked, his hard brown eyes danced as they seemed to question his statement.

Ace glared back at him as the human walked behind his desk once again and stared him in the eye, his black hair shone with a brilliant blue tinge.

When Ace didn't answer, Darrel shrugged. "Fine." he said, shaking his head. "Have it your way." and he placed his hands on the desk.

With a loud bang, the office door flew open.

Ace, not expecting this, was suddenly surrounded by five bulky members of the group. The grabbed him from behind and forced him to the carpeted floor. Pinning him down, one of the five grabbed his arms and yanked them behind his back, tying them in place. Another tied his legs while yet another gagged him. Once finished, the five stood up, nodded at Darrel and left the room at once, closing the door behind them.

Darrel stared at the closed door before looking over at the bound up Ace, who was still in shock of what had happened. Smiling very villain like, he turned to the bunny and chuckled.

"You see? What did I say? You are no match for us, no matter how many you took out before. This was the future of civilization, all under my command. But, like most humans, you were scared of change and wanted out. You were given a second chance but you even threw that to the wind.You wanted to be on, what was back then, 'the winning side'. But lets get this straight," The human walked up to him and looked down on him in a very dominant state. "I am no loser."

With that, he punched Ace hard, knocking him to the floor. A sharp smack of the contact rang out and bounced around the walls. As Ace lay on the ground, Darrel scowled at him, his brown eyes ablaze with hatred. After a few moment, Darrel grabbed the bunny's ears and pulled him up to face him. Ace gave a muffled yelp as more pain shot through him. Ace's eyes had finally lost their spark as he looked into the human's face.

"Look at us. We're a dying breed, you and I. A great organization pulled down at it's peak. All because of a traitor. I shouldn't have helped you out all those years ago. Turns out I was helping a back stabber. Your a menace that the world would be better off without. You say you haven't hurt anyone? Think. Everyone you come in contact with, everyone you meet or love are being hurt at this very moment. By you. In one way or another, they are. And all because of you. You say you ain't one of us? Look again." Throwing him back towards the floor, Darrel left the room.

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 14:43, 2007-06-26

......that was so...intreging. I think my haert skipped a beet. you give such good detaile. This chapter was so.....good awsom

Siamese: Thank you very much. The detail, imagnation and heart put into a story is what makes a story great. Though, It does help to have such great insperations and characters! 

Akira: That was what I was going for! For people to see what is happening as though it was right in front of you! Few stories achieve it, but the ones that do are pretty fascinating! Thank you very much for commenting and I'm glad that you enjoy it!

Hmmm...that last chapter will be hard to top, but oh well. I'll try my best with what I've got so far. Speaking of which, I think theres enough to give you all a sneak peek!

***
The darkness engulfed him quickly as he cursed himself for not remembering his night-vision opticles. Tech waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light that remained before quickly yet carefully walking down the corridor. He groped around for the railing before walking down a flight of stairs and into another corridor. Placing his hand on the wall, he was able to count the doors as he passed them.
 
1....2....3.... On the fourth door, he gently felt the smooth, cool surface and stepped back a bit. His right hand rose up in front of his, glowing a familiar green. His once golden eyes now shone a beautiful shade of green as he concentrated on the door in front of him. After a few moments, the door too emitted the same emerald glow and gently bathed both the coyote and the hallway in its light. Moving his hand to the side, the door opened and bade him entrance to the room within.Tech quietly entered the room and remained still, straining to hear the occupant.
***

I have no idea what came over me when I wrote this. I think I had been taken over by my Techie side that night. Oh well. Enjoy and hold on, for the 10th chapter is coming soon to a forum near you! lol!

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 21:41, 2007-07-07

When are you going to get the next chappe up doggirl i'm dieing to know

That is so awsome!!! I am so hokked! Hurry up with the writting I am sooooo tence! LOL! Any idea when you will post the next chappy?
Great story though!

-- Edited by stargirl at 00:40, 2007-10-30

To tell the truth guys, after I did this sneak peak, my mind went totally blank. I have a major case of writer's block at the moment. The whole thing is planned out in my head, yet, I have no idea how to put it down on paper (or in this case, computer). Sorry.

But I promise to keep working on it. Hmmm.....I think coming back here has sparked my interest again. I feel inspiration and, shall I say it, hunger for my unfinished story.

Hopefully, I'll get back here soon. I just have to write down something.....
Ace: Oh boy. Here we go again.

Please next chapter, my evil side might take over if im left like this!!! Oh no!!

Mwahhaha *starts recking everything in sight*

alright kind readers, i would very much appriciate your assistance. Would anyone be so kind as to tell me if they can see the whole chapter or not? Stupid palm piolet won't let me. Many pleases and thank yous on my part.

Ch.10-

Tech sighed as the computer screen the message flashed once again, signaling another dead end."Grrrrrr...this is impossible!!! How could a program like that excist without anyone knowing? They were banned and destroyed years ago! Unless they made one themselves or one escaped, both of which are very unlikely, how in the world would they be able track him without it?! By sattilite? Cameras? Spies? This doesn't make sense!"

Tech groaned as he sank back into his chair and rubbed his eyes gently. Why was this so hard for him? Usually it would be a simple procedure but this time....this time, he was dealing with one of his teammate's life on the line. And besides, without sleep, his energy and concentration levels were low. Time was running out, and fast.Tech suddenly found himself getting out of his chair and heading towards the futon that he kept in the lab. He found the bed to be blissfully comforting and warm. He laid down and stared up at the ceiling, his eyelids heavy and closing with every growing second. As strange and impossible as it sounded, he could even feel his brain start to relax and shut down. The growing darkness of sleep almost captured him when he suddenly sat up quickly.

"Why didn't I think of it before?" he thought as he rushed out of the lab. He was imediatelly blinded once the door shut.

The darkness engulfed him quickly as he cursed himself for not remembering his night-vision opticals. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light that remained before quickly yet carefully walking down the corridor. He groped around for the railing, walking down a flight of stairs and into another corridor. Placing his hand on the wall, he was able to count the doors as he passed them.

to be continued...

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 18:54, 2007-12-11

You can't see the whole chapter Akira?! I sware I put the whole thing up!

Blast! I guess I gotta figure out anoher way to put it up. Maybe if i just post up peice by peice...

(continuation of Ch. 10)


1....2....3.... On the fourth door, he gently felt the smooth, cool surface and stepped back a bit. His right hand rose up in front of his, glowing a familiar green. His once golden eyes now shone a beautiful green as he concentrated on the door in front of him. After a few moments, the door too emited the same emerald glow and gently bathed both the coyote and the hallway in its light. Moving his hand to the side, the door opened and bade him entrance to the room within. Tech quietly entered the room and stayed still, straining to hear the occupant. To his realive, the faint sounds of blankets rustling and fast movment hit his ears.

Tech grinned to himself before notcing a faint red glo from the bedside table. Four numbers shone softly from th alarm clock. 12:49 pm.

Tech's golden eyes widdened in surprise. It was that late already? No wonder he had fallen asleep in the lab.



-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 18:59, 2007-12-11

Thanks guys, it does. Now I gotta find some way to get it ALL up...

Can't wait Doggirl!

Hmmm... lets see if my luck has improved at all. -begs silently- Please, oh please, oh please, oh pleeeeaaaase...

I think I'll start the chapter from the begining. Just to be safe and not confuse you guys and myself. Here we go...

Chapter 10

Tech sighed as the computer screen the message flashed once again, signaling another dead end."Grrrrrr...this is impossible!!! How could a program like that excist without anyone knowing? They were banned years ago! Unless they made one themselves, which seems very unlikely, how in the world would they be able track him without it? By sattilite? Cameras? Spies? This doesn't make sense!"

Tech groaned as he sank back into his chair and rubbed his eyes gently. Why was this so hard for him? Usually it would be a simple procedure but this time... this time, he was dealing with one of his teammate's life on the line. And besides, without sleep, his energy and concentration levels were low. Time was running out, and fast.Tech suddenly found himself getting out of his chair and heading towards the futon that he kept in the lab. He found the bed to be blissfully comforting and warm. He laid down and stared up at the ceiling, his eyelids heavy and closing with every growing second. As strange and impossible as it sounded, he could even feel his brain start to relax and shut down. The growing darkness of sleep almost captured him when he suddenly sat up quickly.

"Why didn't I think of it before?" he thought as he rushed out of the lab. He was imediatelly blinded once the door shut.

The darkness engulfed him quickly as he cursed himself for not remembering his night-vision opticals. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light that remained before quickly yet carefully walking down the corridor. He groped around for the railing, walking down a flight of stairs and into another corridor. Placing his hand on the wall, he was able to count the doors as he passed them.

1... 2... 3...

On the fourth door, he gently felt the smooth, cool surface and stepped back a bit. His right hand rose up in front of his, glowing a familiar green. His once golden eyes now shone a beautiful green as he concentrated on the door in front of him. After a few moments, the door too emited the same emerald glow and gently bathed both the coyote and the hallway in its light. Moving his hand to the side, the door opened and bade him entrance to the room within. Tech quietly entered the room and stayed still, straining to hear the occupant. To his realive, the faint sounds of blankets rustling and fast movment hit his ears.

Tech grinned to himself before notcing a faint red glow from the bedside table. Four numbers shone softly from the alarm clock. 12:49 pm.

Tech's golden eyes widdened in surprise. It was that late already? No wonder he had fallen asleep in the lab.

The scientist crept towards the sleeping figure before his left foot rammed against something on the floor. Pain shot through his foot like electricity. Stumbling forwards in surprise, he let out a gasp as he crashed down onto the carpeted floor; the palms of his hands stung with the dull pain of trying to stop his fall. He groaned slightly as a sharp voice cut through the darkness.

"Who's there?"

Tech froze as he looked up to see two crimson-red eyes staring down at him.

Bed sheets rustled as Rev walked over to help his friend up. "Tech? What are you doing in here?"

The coyote groaned softly as the roadrunner grabbed one of his arms and helped him to his feet. "Actually Rev, I need your help. I would've asked earlier but I figured that you needed more rest from your injury."

"Sure I'll help but shouldn't we get back to the lab?"

"Right lets go!"

After 2.37 seconds, thanks to Rev's super speed, the two were back in the ightly lit lab; Tech sitting on his computer chair and Revon tech's work stool.

"Alright Rev, I've been trying to hack into that tracking chip that Ace told us about earlier. But, thanks to it being extremely complicated and my concentration and energy levels low, I haven't been very successful. Thats why I need you to use your GPS powers to try to lock onto Ace's brain patterns and discover his location." Tech muttered, looking at his friend.

"Sure thing Tech ol' buddy! It'll be a cinch!" Rev replied as his normally green eyes turned a deep red.

Tech continued to watch him as a few minutes later, Rev spoke, "I... I found him. But it's faint. He's..."

"Loonatics, come quickly. Emergancy situation." Zadavia's voice echoed throughout the tower.

Tech and Rev gave each other confused looks before running to their rooms, changing into their uniforms and rushing into the meeting room. Upon arriving, they noticed that their other teammates were already in the room. Sliding into their designated seats, they looked up at their boss' holographic form.

"Loonatics, we have a crisis on our hands. A few minutes ago, an old building of 2747 Acme Road, on the outskirts of Acmetroplis, erupted into smoke and flames. The authoritys have already arrived on the scene but they insist that you five know. They wish your presence on the scene as so they can get your input on what you think might've happened, why it did, and how it occured. They also need your assistance in scanning the area for survivors of the incident. Good luck Loonatics. Zadavia out."

"Alright team," Lexi said, standing up from the table, her voice ringing with authority. She had deided earlier that she had acted as a drama queen long enough. It was time for her to step up and act as the leader, for the good of the team as well as herself. "Let's..."

"Jet?" Slam asked softly, staring at her with gentle eyes.

Lexi's own eyes widdened a bit, her heart missing a beat at those all-too-familiar words. She quickly caught her composure by nodding, "Right. Let's jet guys."

As Lexi, Duck, and Slam rushed out of the room, Tech went to follow when Rev grabbed his arm.

"Tech, we have a problem," the roadrunner whispered gravely. His face was strangely serious for the younger bird and his voice was un-naturally slow.

"Whats the matter?" Tech asked, a bit worried now.

"The address where the bomb went off..."

"Ya, what about it?"

"Guess where I found Ace."

It didn't take long for the coyote to realize what it meant. His golden eyes widdened in horror as this information, as well as what Rev had mentioned earlier in the lab, dawned on him.

At that moment, Lexi poked her head back into the room. "Tech. Rev." she called, making the two jump as they turned to face her. "You two coming or what?"

"Ya, we're coming. Just give us a second." Tech answered, watching as she dissappeared from sight. He turned back to face Rev and was met by a pair of emerald green eyes filled with concern.

"What'll we do Tech?"

Tech pondered this dilema, remembering how hard Lexi was trying to get herself together after what had happened over the past week. "The worst thing for her confidence at the moment would be seeing him again." he muttered to himself. Shaking his head slightly, he replied, "I'm not completely sure REv, but one thing I do know: We can't let her see him, not with the both of them in such a vulnerable state of mind."

Rev nodded, not understanding completely but thought it better to not question his friend's logic.

Without another word, the two left the room after their three teammates; both wondering in their own thoughts of how this life of theirs could get any crazier.

-End of chapter-

It is short yes, but at least I updated! Thank god I did, this was really starting to bug me, now I can get past my writers block! Hooray! (my bad luck with things that are electronic must be changing!)

So, please, tell me if it worked. And more importantly... wat do you think?


-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 20:21, 2008-04-05

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 00:44, 2008-06-03

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 00:45, 2008-06-03

La gasp! is Doggirl back from the dead?

Any ways...
Great work as usual! Thay must save ACE!!
Yet Tech is very right. If Lexi sees him, espshaly if he's heart, she may fall abart again!

Just read it all. Every single chapter for the first time with Children of Bodom blasting through my headphones the entire way. Somehow it meshed with the reading quite nicely.

OK, when I comment on a story, man, I comment on a story. And I have many, many comments to give for this one.

First and foremost, this is one of the best, if not the best fan fiction I have ever read. Not just Loonatics fan fiction, but every single fan fiction from anything ever, let me just emphasize that. I do not throw around these sweeping statements lightly. I have to have lots of supporting details to back up that claim. And boy, do I have details.

1.) CHARACTERIZATION

It's kind of a moot point to say right now that you've got all of the characters down perfectly, both in dialog, their general interaction with each other and their personalities. I can easily see such a script being used on the actual show. Only, honestly, this is better than the show's story lines, since you are writing without worrying about going over a Y7 rating.

As far as the original characters go (the gang members), they are completely believable and appropriate for their characters. One interaction I found particularly interesting was the one between Ace and Darrel. There was just so much depth there, it was literally like watching a critically-acclaimed movie, only in text format. I've actual NEVER gotten that sense from reading a fan fiction before, or even just a regular book. That deserves some serious, serious commendation.

2.) SUSPENSE

It goes without saying that you are a master at suspense. Pretty much everyone who's commented on this story has said the same thing. Particularly in chapters 5, 6 and 9 I almost CRIED because it was so suspenseful. Oh man. The suspense created such an oppressive yet invigorating atmosphere, and before I knew it I was transfixed. Almost hypnotized. Particularly at the very ends of your chapters, you leave off with something that makes me go "WHOA! WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENS?! DON'T QUIT ON ME NOW DAMN IT." That is awesome. I wish I could write something like that.

3.) DETAILS

I would say that this might be your greatest strength of all. As I noted earlier, the conversation between Darrel and Ace was like actually watching a movie, in that I could just picture it so well and that it was entirely realistic. But it wasn't only during that one discourse that I got sensation; the ENTIRE STORY was filled with wonderful, believable detail. Particularly when you're describing fights and injuries, the way I can just picture it is extremely impressive. The Lexi/Ace relationship was also described pretty well, but I will get more into that later. The detail you utilize into the story simply brings it to life. That sounds like a cliche, and, well, it is a cliche, but it totally applies here.

4.) THE ACE/LEXI PAIRING

OK, I've never been a huge fan of the Ace/Lexi pairing. I think I've expressed this sentiment on here before. And honestly, it made slightly weary of reading this story at first. But as I kept reading, you made me forget my bias against the pairing. I cannot emphasize how significant that is; I am a stubborn ******* when it comes to being adverse towards something. But you immediately made it seem like these two are just plain 'effin right for eachother, and the way you describe their relationship, especially from Lexi's perspective, is intoxicatingly brilliant, and real. Seriously, I usually roll my eyes at Ace/Lexi stuff, but this time I was bleedin' INTO it. I didn't think anyone could do that.

5.) THE PLOT AND STORY IN GENERAL

Holy crap. The plot is just so intricate, perfectly executed and MATURE. Mature was the absolute first word that came to mind when I was reading this. By mature I pretty much mean well-developed, legitimate and just perfectly well done. Seriously, the writers of the show have absolutely nothing on this. Actually, the show's writing just plain sucks when compared to this. This is much more real, much more invigorating and suspenseful. Of course, this wouldn't work on the actual show, since it's very adult in it's non-kiddiness. But DESPITE it's more mature-audience material, you still make it fit in with the actual show perfectly. Rev and Tech are still pretty much a duo in crime fighting, Ace and Lexi still work together well, and Duck and Slam are doing their thang. I'm not sure what that "thang" is, but they're doing it!

And unfortunately, no review is complete without

6.) CRITICISM

There's not much to critique here. There is one thing I noticed, though; the grammar and the spelling is not yet all there. Most of the grammatical and spelling issues are very subtle and not all the noticeable, but some them did kinda glare out at me. But none of them were nearly bad enough not to know what you meant, and none of it detracted from the story itself. It's just something to note; it would give this already brilliant story even more legitimacy.

One time thing too; sometimes I notice you state the setting as if this were a script instead of an actual prose-style story. Like in chapter 5, you just state in parentheses the setting really bluntly. I will say again that the detail you use in the story as a whole is impeccable, but extending that detail to also describe the settings (in the instances I mentioned) would just make it complete. It was slightly distracting.


Overall, well, you know what I think. I wouldn't have wrote alllll of that just for ****s and giggles. I am far too lazy. So yeah, just in the fact that you inspired me to write ALL THAT should say how impressed I am in itself. Unless this was just some big long flame against it, which, clearly, it's not. This story has also single handedly inspired me to start using more detail in my own fiction, but even then I don't think I could create the atmosphere as well as you have. And you're only 14?! If you don't become some sort of published writer some day, I will be surprised.

If this doesn't get my Seal of Awesome, I don't know what does.

-- Edited by Dragon Wing at 01:01, 2008-04-06

YOU ISH BACKEH! *GLOMP*

I missed you, my horse-loving' LUO buddy! It kept bugging me in the back of my head where you had disspaeared to and what was gonna happen to your story. Like Dragon Wing said, this is one of the best stories ever! Keep going, girl!

Can i just say that i pretty much agree with Dragon Wing, but I cant say anything about the CRITICISM because the first one i am afraid to say I do the same and the second thing I didn't really notice and it does not bother me. I am on the edge of my seat. You should be awarded the best fan fic award. *gives The Magic Meercat's award of Greatness*

PLEASE WRITE MORE SOON!!!

doggirl your story is better than nancy drew and cable oh ya and  when will you update!

Hey guys! Me again!

I feel real bad bout not having anything new up last time. Really I do. Thats why I'm gunna put this sneak peak up for you guys while i work on the chapter.
Enjoy!

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The muffled scream of the siren was the thing that disturbed Ace's sleep. He forced his eyelids to open, revealing to him the dark inside of a moving vehicle. A blue-green line on a machine moved up and down quickly, leaving a fading line that beeped every few seconds. A whirring sound came from a machine near his head that seemed to be connected to the mask on his face.

An orange-yellow light flashed through the window every time the van passed a street light. It seemed to blind him for a moment before a dark shadow moved in front of the window, blocking the light. As it brushed across the person's face, it revealed to be a young woman in a paramedic's suit. Light, wavy brown hair framed a circular face with light, almost gray, blue eyes. It took a moment for the girl to notice him starring up at her, a look of confusion on his face. She noticed how dull his eyes were, but smiled at his gently. "You're going to be fine. Don't worry. We just got to get you to the hostpital first; get some of those cuts of yours cleaned and sewn up, maybe get you to rest a bit more, and you'll be good as new. I promise."

He continued to look at her in silence.

"Trust me," she muttered, placing a hand on top of his in reasurance.

Trust me... those words echoed in his mind. They sounded familiar, too familiar. Where had he heard them before?

But his brain fell blank as his eyes closed in exhaustion; leaving the young paramedic starring down at him in worry.
*****

So, what do you think? It might be worth the wait, right? I promise that I'll get updated ASAP, but who knows how long that might be. So, please, bear with me, and leave some reviews and comments. It'll be very much appreciated.

Thanks!

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 15:09, 2008-05-17

-- Edited by doggirl2772 at 17:13, 2008-05-17