Kenny I understood the story and to me It seems very interesting.

And Kenny no offense to you, but theres a big differents on giving helpfull cridasisam and makeing one fell like an ideot. (If you can't say something nice, DON'T say any thing at all)

BlackCat I like your story, yes you do need to practice your spelling a bit, may I sugest you keep a Dictionary around. (or spell chek).

Don't give up and keep wrighting!!

Siamese712 wrote:

---

Kenny I understood the story and to me It seems very interesting.

And Kenny no offense to you, but theres a big differents on giving helpfull cridasisam and makeing one fell like an ideot. (If you can't say something nice, DON'T say any thing at all)

---

[The story seemed like an interesting concept to me as well.]

[I recognize that my criticism wasn't the nicest that it could have been, but I'm not trying to make anyone feel like an idiot.  But what I really want for this writer to do is to read over what they write and make corrections.]

[I know that everyone makes mistakes, but misspelling a lot of words in a story is not that tolerable.  The mistakes make it hard for some people to read, and, although the story may have a good concept, some readers might lose interest in it.]

[Although it may seem that I'm trying to make BlackCat feel bad, I'm really not.  All I'm trying to do is remind them that, later in life, you can't make that many spelling errors in your stories.  I'm not kidding.]

[Oh, and no offense to you, Siamese712, but you need to learn how to spell, too.]

BlackCat wrote:

---

Thank Siamese, and yes I'll see to geting a Dictionary I can cary around. It probly would help me but what can I say I'm terable speller. I guess it dousen't help that I'm 13 dous it?

Mabe I should hold off on the story for awille. Man I was so scared to post this story, mabe I should lisen to my older sister and quit the chat sites. Whats the point of joining chat bords and chanals if no one can understand me. Right?

---

[Hehe...Um...]

[You don't need to quit the message board if you can't spell.  Just try to look up words that don't look like they're spelled correctly.]

[As for writing stories...You may need a beta-reader.  I'm sure that some people on this message board are willing to be a beta-reader for you, and that includes me.]

[As for your age, that's understandable...But I have an online friend who is younger than you (Not by much), and he spells a little better than I do.  He was raised differently, I guess.]

[Keep writing; don't give up.]

[*Shrugs*]

[I guess so.]

Chapter2: Where Does She Go?

“Hey, guys! I'm headin' out!” Lexi called as she headed for the exit.

“Headin' out?  Where are you goin'?” Duck yelled. Lexi walked back to the main room. She was wearing the same out-fit that Ace had seen her in earlier, with the exception of a brown leather jacket and pink sneakers.

“It’s Friday, Duck. You guys know I go out on Fridays.” She said to everyone in the room. Unlike what most people believed, the Loonatics did go out; they all had their own social life away from each other and away from work. And almost ever since she joined the Loonatics, she went out on Friday. She would leave early in the morning and come home rather late at night.

“Well, I got my communicator so you guys can contact me, so I'll be going. Bye, see you later.” She waved to them and then ran out.

“See ya, Lex.”

“Bye,-Lexi.”

“Have fun.”

A few of her friends said their farewells as she ran out. Ace sat there on the couch, pondering on what had happened earlier.

'Why was she acting so weird this morning?' Ace thought to himself.

“Hey, guys, have you ever wondered where Lexi goes every Friday?” Ace asked the others.

“I don't know....We could follow her if you'd like.” Duck commented with a grin.

“Duck! We’re not going to go follow her. She deserves a social life. I was just wondering if any of you knew where she goes?” Ace said.

All the guys looked at each other as they gathered around the couch; none of them knew. Lexi had never told one of them in the three years that they worked together.

Tech set down the gears, “You know, Ace, now that I think about it, I don't think she’s ever told any of us.”

“Thats-really-odd-for-Lexi-because-she-tells-at-least-one-of-

us-everything,-and-it’s-kinda-funny-that-we-never-

noticed-this-before.” Rev said.

“Indeed.” Tech agreed.

“Mabe Lexi goseeingsomeone fiyday.” Slam grumbled.

“You think Lexi is going out to see some one every Friday?”  Ace asked Slam.

“Whysurwhynot?”

“Slam is right you know. Lexi could be going out to meet someone, or go some place; it’s hard to tell.” Tech said.

“Well, when she gets back, I'm asking her where she goes. Hopefully I'll get an answer.” Ace commented.

_______________________
Well what dous every one think. Thanks to Kenny it will hopefully be more easer to read.

Ps. I mid as well say this story is a bit on the Acexi-ish side

Yes were does she keep going?Anyway good story blackcat.

P.S.

welcome to luo

Apolagising early for spelling erors 

Chapter3: Midnight Chat

 

Ace was siting on the couch watching a late night show when Lexi came home. All the other loonatics where asleep. Ace terned the volume down on the television as he heard th door hiss open and close. Lexi came in humming a little toon.

 

“Hay Lex.” Ace called over to her.

 

“Huh?” Lexi looked over to see Ace, she smiled at him, “What are you doing up this late?”

 

“Jest watching a late night show.” Ace said. Lexi walked over to him taking off her jacket, and laying it over her arm.

 

“I thought most channels stopped playing shows at midnight, and its what....12:40 now?”She said as she sat down next to him.

 

“I guess I got lucky,” Ace said in casual fashion, “Hay Lexi?”

 

“Mm?”

 

“Where do you go every Friday?”Ace asked looking up at her.

 

“Oh hear and there.” Lexi said try not to get eye contact.

 

“Would you really consider dat an answer?” Ace asked.

 

“You know, I-I don't know. I think I'm going to go to bed.” Lexi started to get up only to be stopped by the feeling of Aces hand set gently on her shoulder.

 

“Lexi, why are you lieing to me?” Ace said sternly.

 

Lexis blood ran cold, heart betted fast. Douse he know? She thought. Being the quick thinker she was, Lexi was easily able to put on a show.

 

“What makes you think I'm lieing?!” Lexi said sound defensive and angry. As she glared at Ace and shrugged his hand off her shoulder.

 

“W-well I was jest-” Ace spluttered.

 

“Ace if you must know about my personal life then fine! I go to random places. The Library, a disco, the moves.” Lexi said in a quiet yell, “And to answer your next question, yes I go alown. Why would you think I would lie to you?!”

 

Lexi grabbed her jacket from the couch and briskly walked turds the hallway. Jest be for she diapered from Aces site she terned her head and said

 

“Don't accuse me of lieing when I don't have a reason to”

 

Ace sat there, a little dumbfounded, Lexi never jest snapped at him like that. Yes she had yelled at him before, but never like that. Usually if he said something like that she would make herself sound heart, but that was mad. Real mad.

 

Ace sighed and kinda slapped his fore head. He felt like an ideate and a jerk. He looked over at where Lexi was sitting. He notesed two small peaces of paper, he piked them up and read what they said. He thin was confused.

 

What they where, where two movie ticket stubs to the new move 'Legend of the River'. A movie for all ages.

 

'She did lie to me!' Ace thought, 'Lexi said that she gos alown. Why would she lie?......The better question is who did she go with, and why keep it a secret?'

 

Ace felt a pain in side.

 

“Lexi with or with out your cooperation I'm gonna find out what your up to, and why you've lied to me.” Ace whispered.

[...Err...You never sent me the chapter to correct the errors...]

[Well, try to send me the next chapter.]

[But I like this story so far.  Keep it up.]

A-Cat: Thank you, and yes this is geting sereus. Who knows what Lexis doing(well I know of cors)

Siamese: Well maybe Ace should stay out og her bissnes, but thin again. Thank you

Kenny: I sent the next chapter, tell me if it dosin't make it. And thank you as well.

okay kenny did it end with, Ace ordered the mallard?
'cos thats where its sopost to end.

You guys are having problems with your computers? wow tuff brak. I dont know what I would do if My computer failed.

-- Edited by Siamese712 at 16:20, 2007-08-10

Very good so far , I have a small theroy on the two tickets, but ain't gonna say As I fear I got it right XD.

Computer glitching? My PC always glitches, maybe it's all the modifications I made to it, oh well

DJ_TDI_411 wrote:

---

Pretty good fanfic, Blackcat. I noticed that there were ALOT of spelling errors there, no offense. Try to correct them next time, 'kay? :)

---

[...If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that I've become Blackcat's Beta-Reader.]

[...Err...Blackcat, are you going to send me the rest of the chapter?]

[Edit:  The only reason chapters one and three have errors are:  I didn't have access to chapter one, and chapter three never got sent to me.  Well, chapter three was sent, but I never got it.]

-- Edited by Kenny McCormick at 00:07, 2007-08-13

Luc I'd love to read your theroy, but if you did get it right thin it would be a bit of a spoiler wouldin't it?

DJ thank you, I know I'm a bad speller. Its okay though for I luckaly got a bada-reader.

Daphane thank you. oh, I didn't know facepalm ment a slapp. I knew it had to del with puting your face into the hand I didn't know it was a slapp.

And GERRRR, I did send the rest of the chapter to you kenny. *sighe* I'll try agen.

All right FINALY Chapter4


Chapter 4: Partners

Ace walked down the hallway and stopped in front of Lexi’s door. She was in the training room and wouldn't return for a while. Ace figured now would be a good time as any to get answers for the questions he had brewing last night. He placed a hand on the door.

“I wish I didn't have to do dis, but what if Lexi is in some trouble, or gets into some kind of trouble? Then what would we do?” He sighed and pushed the button to open the door. There was a small beep, but no motion.

“Drat! Locked. Looks like I'll need to try the other way.” Ace said quietly.

There where only three ways to get into a locked door at Loonatics Headquarters. One:  a personal key card;  Two: a number code; or Three: Tech’s key card to all the rooms. Ace didn't have Lexi’s personal key card, or Tech’s, so random number codes were the only way to go. He started typing random codes, none of which seemed to work.

“What are you doing, Ace?”

Ace turned around to see Duck standing there, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. Ace didn't know what to do.

“Why are you trying to get into Lexi’s room?” Duck asked, suspicious.

“I wasn't!” Ace claimed. Duck gave him a look that sarcastically said 'Yeah, I believe you'.

Ace let out an annoyed sigh. “Okay, if I tell you what I'm doing, will you promise not to tell the guys, and especially not Lexi?”

Duck thought for a second, then nodded.

“All right. Remember yesterday I said I was going to ask Lexi where she goes on Fridays? Well when I asked her at first she didn't give me a straight answer and tried to ignore the question altogether. Den when I tried to get a real answer she.....snapped and yelled at me.”

“HA! It’s nice to see her taking her anger out on someone else for a change!” Duck teased.

“Whatever, Duck.  Now as I was sayin', she told me she goes to random places and that she goes alone, but if she goes alone why did I find these where she was sitting?” Ace handed Duck the two movie ticket stubs.

“If she goes alone then why would she have two?” Duck asked.

“That’s my question. Who is she going with and why is she lyin'? So what if she gets into trouble because of who, or wherever she’s going?  ....That’s why I'm trying to get into Lexi’s room to see if I can get some answers. I know it’s probably not right to sneak into her room, but she won't tell me what’s goin' on.” Ace explained.

Duck nodded slowly, thinking of what Ace said. “All right, Ace. I believe you and I'm willing to help.”

“What?”

“As much as I hate to admit, and I'm going to deny I ever said this, but Lexi is our good friend, and we need to know if she’s getting into trouble, and to stop any trouble if possible. She’d do the same for any of us.”

“Wow, Duck, I've never heard you sound so concerned about someone else.” Ace said as he returned to the key pad. He typed in another combination, only to hear the ‘access denied’ beep.

“Hey, Duck, you think you can quack us in there?”  Ace asked

“Sure can, Ace.” Duck grabbed Ace’s arm and the next thing they knew, they were in Lexi’s bedroom.

“Okay, Duck, look around for anything out of the ordinary.” Ace ordered the mallard.

Ace never gives up does he? And sending Duck in there was a dirty tatic. And should Lexi find both of them in her room, sparks are gonna fly...

 Keep up with the good work though.

Aw thanks guys.

Ya useing Duck is a dirty tatic A-Cat, but like Siamese said thay got to know if shes geting into truble.

Thank you all. Hears a bit of chappter5
___________________________
“Ace I don't think we're going to fined any thing. I vote we get out of hear before Lexi gets back.” Duck wined.

“Jest keep looking Duck. There has to be something.” Ace said. Ace walked over to the corner of the room. On the floor he saw a small cared bored box and lid, rapping-pappier leaning agents the wall, a small hand made rabbit stuff-animal with a long cat like tail, and a small tag. Ace picked up the tag and read what it said.
___________________________________

[You sent the chapter?  I'm still waiting for it.]

[I had my computer checked, too.  Nothing is wrong with my computer.]

[Ok, I finally got the chapter.]

[I'll edit it as soon as I can; I'm helping an online friend write her story.  And by helping, I mean giving her ideas.  If I can get her and my other online friend to join this message board, it would be awesome.]

thanks Siamese

ace and duck nearly got caught lol...good chapter...

I think I know what's going on... but I'm not gonna spoil the story for everyone.

Oooo ooo, I know I know! Spark is mhmhmmhmh.

Tessa: -Hand still over my mouth- You are going to do exactly what Akira is doing, understood?

Me: -gulps and nods-