Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Am I allowed to do this?


Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Am I allowed to do this?

I will either get laughs or catch hell for posting this, so I'm taking a risk here.

Here's the deal. I love Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you don't know what it is, YouTube it. They take really crappy movies and then show Mike/Joel and his robot friends sitting through the movie making fun of it the entire time. It's the most hilarious thing I've ever seen on TV.

As a tribute to Mystery Science Theater 3000, I sort of do the same things to really bad or bizarre fan fiction (but more often just bizarre). If I'm a bad person for doing so, well, that's okay. I pretty much already know I'm a bad person. Anyway, I take really odd fan fiction (as already stated) and I insert my little comments throughout the story. Some people seemed to like it, and since it's soortta relevant to this topic (in that I'm tributing it to one fandom), and since Zadavias Spirit asked to see my fan fiction rips (that's what I call them), I'm going to try it out here.


So, how many times have you ever been bored and idly wondered what Nazi oppression would have been like of Goku from Dragon Ball Z was there? Well, you no longer have to wonder anymore, folks, because Gofer-Chan has answered that thought that has been on all of our minds with her Anne Frank and Dragon Ball Z crossover!

Oh, I don't think I need to put this disclaimer up, but I probably should anyway. I am NOT anti-semitic or a Nazi. You probably shouldn't get that impression at all from this, but I feel I should address it just in case. OK. And, of course, I have nothing but utmost respect for Anne Frank. I don't mean to disparage her at all with this - but, really, with this story, her character is blown way out of blue sky anyway. It should in no way be considered an accurate depiction of Anne Frank whatsoever. OK.

Anne sighed as she sat in her room, staring at her wall. She just
finished writing in her diary, and had nothing to do. Life was boring
in the Secret Annex, but it was better than the alternative. It
was alright talking to Peter and Margot, but they were both such quiet
people, unlike the always active Anne. All of a sudden, a flash of
light appeared in the room! (But it was just Peter snapping a picture of her, perv.)

Anne jumped back, stifling a scream. Before
she could run out the closed door (what a ditz.) she noticed that the person who
appeared in the flash was not a Nazi officer, but someone who she had
never seen before! His clothes were very strange , and his hair was in
a spiky style that was totally new to her. (OH MY GOD IT'S KLAUS NOMI :O)
She stood against the wall, wary of the stranger, but he walked towards her and smiled,
extending a hand. "My name is Goku." The mysterious stranger said. (*snrrk*)

Anne nervously put her hand in his. He bent down and kissed it softly, then let go.
Anne blushed, feeling something she had never felt before go off inside
of her. (Shouldn't have swallowed that firecracker!)

"My name is Anne..." she replied quietly.

"I'm sorry for what just happened," Goku told her, "But I was caught in a time portal and
deposited here! (It's Goku's Excellent Adventure, and it is SO NON HEINOUS) My
power cells will recharge soon, but until then, I'm stuck here."

Anne had no idea what the handsome visitor was talking
about (Hardly surprising. I never have any idea what's going on in these anime action
shows either.)
, but she played along.
"Well, sir" she said. "You may stay in my room as long as you like!" Anne blushed again
as she said this, and giggled slightly. (Wow, Anne is really turned on by people telling
her their names.)

Goku looked around, and then sat on the bed. "Thank
you for the invitation. I'll be sure to repay you for it soon." (With 180 brand new copies of
DBZ Season 8 that were just lying around!)
Anne did not understand what he meant by
that, however, when he spoke, she felt a warmth deep inside of her. (Goku's voice gives
Anne a stomach virus.)
She sat by him on the bed, staring at the man's beautiful eyes.
Finally, she could stand it no longer. (Anne cries "FOR ALLAH!" and jumps headfirst
through the open window.)
Anne leaned over and kissed the stranger on the cheek, and then pulled
back quickly, not sure of what she had done. (Wow, Anne is easy. I wouldn't have
been surprised if she flirted with her SS escort all the way to the ghetto.)

"I'm sorry..." she said, as she stumbled to find the right words. The visitor smirked.

"No, that's quite alright." He replied with a smile, putting one arm around
her. "You know, you're a very beautiful girl, but I... well..." Anne
looked at him, troubled.

"What's the matter?" she said, with a sweet smile. ("I'm sorry, Anne, but you're a dirty

Goku looked nervous. "I... I'm already married." he finally managed to choke out.
(Oh my god, what a twist! how was this NOT ever on Days Of Our Lives?)
Anne pulled
away from him abruptly.

"No!" she said loudly, almost in tears.

"I'm sorry..." he replied. Anne was furious.

"Nothing ever goes right!" she cried out. (Yeah, first all those damn Nazis are out to
torture us, and now this Japanese cartoon character from the future won't be my
boyfriend! Jesus Christ, my life SUCKS.)

"I have to go now, my power cells have recharged." said Goku. (It's OVER NINE

Anne was in tears by now, staring at the wall so she wouldn't see Goku's face. He
smiled a sad smile, and disappeared in another flash, out of Anne's
life forever. Anne never forgot him, though... not until the end of time. (That explains
why over 2/3rds of Anne's diary all long for that 'pale, big-eyed, floofy-haired man.')

-- Edited by Dragon Wing at 22:35, 2008-06-23



Status: Offline
Posts: 3418

Sorry, I have to double-post this. The colors were not cooperating with me.

PART 2 (Oh god)

One month. (About 30 days.) Well, it didn’t feel like a month. To Anne Frank, a Jew in hiding from the Nazis, it seemed like a year. (365 days.) One month since the fateful encounter with the mysterious man from another world, who she only knew as ‘Goku’. The handsome stranger had stepped through time and into her life, then disappeared without a trace. (Meh, even if Anne were free, men probably would have done this to her all the time. God, men, am I right, ladies?) Anne was almost sure that they’d never meet again, even though not one day passed without her dreaming of him. Little did she know, however, that their lives were tied by the unbreakable red string of fate. (But when Goku tugged too hard on his end of the string it BROKE her LIFE. OK.)

It was another boring day in the Secret Annex. Anne sat on the bed of her room, writing in her diary. It never occurred to her, however, that this entry would be her last. As she wrote in the quiet attic, there was a loud noise from downstairs. Her heart jumped with both fear and excitement. Was it them? The Nazis? Or, could it be… him? (You mean to tell me Anne's family was found out because she mistook German Nazi officers for Goku? Oh, the things the history books never tell you!) She had no idea whether to run downstairs or to hide. That decision, however, was made for her. Her door flew open, and a tall soldier was visible in the doorway, glaring at her. The cries of her family members and friends were tuned out as Anne only thought of one thing. (Goku's ridiculous hair.) She stood up and followed the soldier out of her room, down the stairs, and into the back of a truck. “So this is it.” She said quietly to herself. “I’ll never see him, my one true love, ever again. And all those years of hiding… they were for naught.” Then, Anne realized that she left her precious diary up in her room. (Goodness knows you can't leave that behind, even with a bunch of men with guns taking you away.) She broke loose from the officer, and made a dash back into the shop, when he removed a gun from his holster and fired a shot in her direction. Anne fell to the floor.

Anne lay on the floor, feeling searing pain run through her leg, where the bullet had met its mark. The Gestapo officer menacingly moved towards her, grinning, when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light, causing the officer to shield his eyes. (But it was just Peter snapping that damn picture again.) A huge cloud of smoke appeared next to Anne, blocking her from the soldier’s vision. When the smoke cleared, he was in for quite a surprise. (Anne transformed into Vampira!) There was Goku, holding Anne in his arms, standing next to a huge metal capsule. “Goku!” cried Anne “You came back… for me!” Goku smiled. “Anything for you, my dear.” He said. “Our love will never be lost… not until the end of time.” ('Unless I leave it laundry. Damn, I'm always losing things in there.') The Gestapo officer turned tail and ran, but Goku was too quick for him. After laying Anne on the concrete, he dashed towards the Nazi and knocked him to the ground, unconscious, with only one blow. “Nazi scum.” Muttered Goku as he spit on his enemy’s limp body, then returned to Anne. (This is the best episode of Dragon Ball Z ever!) “Here, I have something for you.” Goku said, as he removed a small bean from his pocket. “What on earth is this?” asked Anne. (It's a magic bean that will grow a giant beanstalk that extends all the way to the sky! And leads straight to Hitler. Goku was on their side all along!) Goku smiled, remember how ignorant she was to what was everyday life to him. “A senzu bean.” He said. “Just eat it, and it will cure your leg.” Anne followed his instructions and popped the bean into her mouth, as the wound on her calve magically healed. “Now come on.” Commanded Goku. “We’ve got some Nazi ass to kick.” (I believe that's what Eisenhower said before commencing Operation Overlord.) Anne jumped on the mysterious Saiyan’s back, as he launched off into the sky. (I believe that's how Eisenhower was able to successfully invade France.)

After only a few moments, the two of them arrived in Berlin. Tanks were parading down the street, as Adolf Hitler himself stood on a platform overlooking it all. “Stay here.” Goku said, dropping Anne in a shaded area under a tree. He then flew straight towards the parade of tanks, fist outstretched, screaming as loud as he could. (Then 4 lazy blasts rang out and Goku dropped out of the air and fell to the ground limp as a noodle.) The soldiers below scattered in terror, while the tanks tried to aim their cannons at him. He was too quick and nimble for them, however, and opened the hatch of a nearby Panzer, then headed inside. After dispatching of the soldiers in control of the war machine, he took the wheel. He fired round after round into the crowds of Nazi soldiers, occasionally firing at the other tanks. (None of them even considered firing back, of course.) After only minutes, there was nothing but a cloud of dust and corpses. (I guess this episode was too graphic to show on Kid's WB.) Goku emerged from the tank’s hatch, smiling now that he had done his duty. ('Ah, time to punch out and get back home to my dog.') When all of the dust cleared, there were only two people remaining on the parade ground: Goku, the Saiyan hero, and Adolf Hitler, the most evil man ever to walk the earth. ('There ain't enough room in Europe for the two of us, partner.')

Anne watched from nearby fearfully as she saw the two men stare at each other for what seemed like hours. (They settled World War 2 with a staring contest?) Her one true love, and her ultimate oppressor. It had come down to this. “So,” Hitler said jovially “You took out all of my men. However, you aren’t going to defeat me. ('I'm mighty boy!')” Hitler then jumped down from his platform and down onto the street in front of Goku, pulling a chain gun from the ground nearby. Goku quickly jumped behind a ruined tank, as Adolf opened fire. (Hitler IS: The Terminator.) The tank made decent cover, but it wasn’t long until it would be torn apart by the hail of bullets. Goku had to act. (For ONCE.) He dashed out from the side of the tank, and flew as fast as he could toward Hitler, who had no time to react. He grabbed the chain gun out of his enemy’s hands, and snapped it over his knee with ease. Hitler stumbled backwards, shocked at the turn of events. Goku smirked, then said “It’s come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. (If fighting like me is running for cover or cowering over whenever the oppressor has the upper hand, yes.) If you admit defeat now, I’ll kill you rather painlessly.” Goku had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Hitler burst into a laugh, as Goku looked on quizzically. The mustachioed (*snrrrk*) man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue. Goku reeled in horror. Hitler continued laughing, then finally said “Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!” Hitler had become a Super Saiyan. (Holy ****! :O I KNEW Hitler in his human form was too much of a douche to wield that much power! ****, this explains a LOT!)

Anne looked on in awe, not sure what was going on. (Don't worry, Anne, none of us do.) At first, it seemed like her lover would win the battle, but now she was not so sure. Goku now seemed scared of his opponent, and it was for a good reason. Hitler continued to speak “Goku, can’t you see? I’ve reached a power level 10 TIMES anything you’ve ever achieved! (It's OVER NINE THOUUSANNDD) Your fate is sealed, weakling.” Even though the battle seemed unwinnable, Goku charged in, screaming at the top of his lungs. (So Goku's signature move is screaming? ****, he should be in a metalcore band.) Every blow he struck with was deflected off of Hitler’s rock hard body. ("Hitler's rock hard body." "Hitler's rock hard body." "Hitler's rock hard body.") Hitler waited for Goku to tire himself out, then raised his fist and punched Goku. And one punch was enough. (Just one and heartburn's done!) Goku was knocked across the street into a large propaganda poster of Hitler, thudding to the cold, hard ground. Hitler laughed, thinking that victory was in his hands at last. Goku, however, was not ready to give up. Bruised and battered, he rose from the ground, limping in Hitler’s direction. The Nazi leader laughed. “You still want to fight? Don’t you know when to give up, boy? (Doesn't this AUTHOR know when to give up?) You can hardly walk. And you expect to beat ME? Conqueror of Europe?” Goku ignored Adolf’s taunts as he continued to stumble his way forward. (Sticks and stones I guess.) Finally, the two archrivals were standing face to face. Goku stared Hitler into the eye (Oh God, not another staring contest), then screamed “This… is for LOVE!” (Goku is a John Lennon fan.) and flew up into the sky, his hair turning blonde, his eyes blue, and an aura of power radiating from him. (Goku was spontaneously exposed to excessive amounts of Carbon-14!) Hitler looked on in horror at Goku. He had made the ultimate achievement. (He CAUGHT THE ROADRUNNER.) He had become a Super Ultra Power Saiyan. (lol super ultra) Goku made a cup shape with his hands, aiming at Hitler, as he belted out the words “Kame… Hame… HAAAAA!” as a beam of pure energy shot at his enemy, disintegrating the Nazi leader’s body. (I always knew an anime character single-handedly won World War 2. But I just thought it was because everyone was terrified of their poofy hair.) Goku then collapsed to the ground in a heap, exhausted from the fight. Two years later: Anne and Goku had finally reached the date of their wedding. After the battle, Anne and Goku destroyed the time machine and took a boat to Australia. They changed their names and lived new lives, ready to start over. The two young people looked into each others eyes as they kissed (This author seems to have a staring fetish), as the reverend pronounced them man and wife. Finally, it seemed, Anne was at peace. And they would always be together, until the end of time. (Wait, wasn't Goku already married? Oh, I get it, Goku is Mormon!)

I hope I don't suck for this. D:

-- Edited by Dragon Wing at 22:41, 2008-06-23


Your local cat

Status: Offline
Posts: 3505

rofl.gif Lol! That was so funny! So what was Anne doing while the huge battle happened? Recorcing it all in her diary I expect.


Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.

Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to

Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse
Powered by ActiveBoard