DX UGHHH WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

D8......................*bows head down*.....if I must.....*takes a slow, hopeful, music filled, walk out of the topic*

Access granted XD

*bursts out laughing and then becomes serious again* I love this fic. It's written so skillfully. I wouldn't be surprised if people actually mistook it for an actual episode. Except of, course, for the no sound, and no figures moving across the screen, and the.... I'll shut up now. XD

For some reason, that 'E. E. E. Ecstacy' song popped into my head. XD

Thank you, Lilly! I could always make it into a comic, but Brigid's already doing something like that... XD

It might. If you tried harder.

Honestly, you just don't satisfy Chapter 3.

No. Chapter 3 stopped finding you sexually appealing after YOU started eating pizza. You fat harlet you. D8

wow this is a really great story so far, I can't wait to see what happens.

THEN YOU NEED TO REMEMBA!!!

I'm DYING ova here! DX

XP

FINE!!

*whips out flash drive and starts working on it some more*

This chapter is dedicated to Sye. Because I love her. XD

Chapter 3

Rev scratched his head as he gazed upon his current environment. He was in a lush forest. He was surrounded by thick, tall pine trees. He looked down at himself. He was wearing an odd assortment of crimson leather. He had multiple studded belts slung every which way. He had a quiver of arrows on his back and a long compass bow in his hands. He was obviously a ranger.

“Cool guess I'm obviously a ranger!” Uh. Yeah.

“Of course you're a ranger! We hired you to get our lord through the enchanted forest!” Rev whipped around and faced a troupe of alien beings dressed in tattered rags. Each carried a sizable and heavy weapon of some description, ranging from thick pieces of wood to intricately carved hammers. Six of the horde had a large, box-like carriage resting on their shoulders as they slugged it closer to the roadrunner. Those six particular beings looked immensely uncomfortable.

“Woah! A gang of barbarians! Could this get any cooler? I suppose you're all citizens of Pirespex 7 I mean you seem to have qualities resembling Secretary Rolfvos but you look heaps creepier I guess that must be the gaming system adding to your character I wonder if my overall appearance has changed any woah that would be totally sweet sweet sweet!”

The aliens stared at him blankly. They then looked amongst each other, wondering if someone else had picked up on what was said. That is, until the door of the carriage was unlatched and slowly swung open on its hinges. The barbarians then stood to attention. The six supporting the mode of transport lowered it onto the forest floor carefully. Rev stood up straight and inhaled deeply.

“This must be the guy who hired me. Oh, sweet sweet sweet!” Rev's voice pitched higher and higher with each 'sweet', his level of excitement raising more and more each second.

A foot emerged from the coach, dressed in fine tyrian purple suede and with a giant, silver buckle. Rev couldn't help but start bouncing as an impressive cane was planted into the ground. After a moment of hesitation, the being stepped out into the open, dressed in finely embroidered silks and velvets of all different purples, contrasting beautifully against the deep green of the surrounding forest.

Rev gaped in awe.

“Good grief, what is the hold up? I am ever so sorry, old boy, but we simply must be within the walls of Espargier III before sundown. Thieves, you know, what.” Slam lifted a dainty handkerchief to his face and carefully dabbed the corner of his mouth.

The roadrunner's mouth opened and closed in a manner similar to that of a fish.

“Slam??” he finally managed to vocalize after several seconds of pure astonishment.

“Well, I dare say that I have no idea what that might mean where you're from. However, I do feel obligated to press you to hurry along. This territory is dangerous, what. The amount of bandits and scalawags roaming the area is exactly what drove me to hire your services in the first place, dear chap.” The large devil raised an eyebrow as he tucked his handkerchief into the front pocket of his waistcoat.

“I mean 'Slam' as in your name 'Slam' because, Slam, 'Slam' is your name.” Rev explained quickly.

“I haven't the slightest clue as to what exactly it is you're trying to imply.” Here, Slam frowned. “I am Lord Soylayum, overseer of the Barbarian empire. I do believe we have made each other's acquaintance prior to our little trip.” Again, he raised an eyebrow in a very cool fashion.

“Oh, wow! You even picked a cool character name that is totally sweet! I don't know why I never came up with that I mean I've been playing these sorts of games for years so you'd think I would have-”

“Your Lordship!” One of Slam's servants quickly pointed to the back of the carriage. There, standing with his arm stuffed incredibly deep into the rear cargo bag of Slam's ancient transportation device, stood a very familiar-looking bird. He stared at the troupe blankly, whilst they regarded him with surprise. He wore rust-coloured leather armour, large, dark metal shoulder plates and knee pads with a series of belts running down his thighs.

A few moments of silence passed within the group.

...

...

...

“Duck???”

Before any of the team had time to react, a multitude of daggers sliced through the air. The small knives hit their mark, pinning each barbarian target to a tree via his collar. Duck quickly shoved his head into the bag, continuing his search, before pulling out a pendant in triumph.

“Just try and catch me, you revolting lumps of pustular obscenities!” And with that, he quacked out of sight.

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, FOOLS?? GET HIM!” Slam's sudden outburst made Rev squeak in surprise. The barbarian servants ripped themselves from the trees they were pegged to and gave chase.

Suddenly, the front of Rev's armour was tugged at, his feet lifted clean off the ground. He came face to face with a snarling, savage, seething Slam.

“You were his accomplice, were you not? You spoke his name. Fine. You will pay dearly for your impertinence.”

“Eh heh heh. Sorry but... There's somewhere that I really gotta be and I can tell you one thing, it is definitely NOT here so I'd better be there rather than here because while I'm here I'm not there and I mean I REALLY wanna be there rather than here!” With those final words spoken, Rev zipped out of Slam's grasp and raced in the direction Duck and his pursuers had taken.

“What the heck is going on?? This is just plain nuts!”

***

In an enormous, purple, circular room, a thick and rusted machine slowly lowered itself onto the launching platform. Resembling something similar to a revolting, unclean garbage truck, Secretary Rolfvos regarded it with antipathy. Him and his assistant stood to attention as the large side-door swung open, producing a heavy clunking noise as it reached the floor unceremoniously. From the darkness within the ship emerged a foul-looking being. Colossal, obese and wholly amorphous with its flesh a sickly brown-green colour, the secretary's assistant tried to hide his wince of disgust.

The being rolled out of its ship with a putrid squelch and slid right up to the Secretary of Technological Studies and Advancement, leaving a grungy green slime in its wake. It gurgled something completely incoherent, but Rolfvos appeared to understand perfectly.

“Remember our deal. We want full access to your planet's technological development archives.”

The opposing being raised what one can presume to be an arm and offered a small metallic object. Rolfvos nodded to his assistant, who begrudgingly took the instrument from the alien's grasp. With a quick conformation of that fact that the device contained specified codes for the technology archives, he packed it away into a pocket and wiped the foul residue from his hands.

The large creature in front of them then made a series of noises.

“Yes, you may strip whatever you like of this planet.”

More disjointed sounds proceeded.

“No, we shan't be having any trouble from the rest of Pirespex 7, nor from the Loonatics. They are safely cocooned within a fake reality, never to return again. As of midday, we will be sending a virus through the B.C.V.G.P.3's wirings that will corrupt the entire system, killing all within it-”

“They don't even know that they were anything other than what they now think they are.” The assistant interjected in a very sardonic manner...

God. I love you. So much. Words cannot describe how much I adore you. No smiley will ever be created to convey the happiness behind this post.

YES! EXACTLY LIKE A F*CKING EGG!!!!

Wow, that chapter was so cool!

Rev sounded so cute n' Happy!  :D

......And Slam sounded....very....sophisticated!

I can't wait for the next one, and the one after that, and the one after that....aaaaaaand, you can see where I am going with this! XD


Oh BTW, Get well soon Cassidy!