Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Back to LUO -> Loonatics Unleashed Online message boards -> Fan Fictions -> Know when to live
Post Info TOPIC: Know when to live
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Know when to live
Permalink   

well here is my very first fanfic.
I hope you like it.

Know when to live - proloque

(Early in Acmetropolis the loonatics were just leaving
for a basherball game since they got tickets a few days back.
Tech is firing up his neutro 9005 to go to the game and was absoulute scilence.....until
there was a strange looking car beside them.)


Ace: Hey what a nice looking car he's got.

Duck: yeah being a show-off to his little sports vehicle here.


??????: (talking to himself)well look who i have on my tail here it's the loonatics let's teach them a lesson

they will never forget. 

Ace: Hey looks like he's running away........

Duck: what a chicken.

Ace: Duck you can't just interupt.

Duck: But it's true, you saw him he ran away.

Ace: Anyway Tech can you try to look and see the figure in the car?

Tech: Yes Ace i can with my Bio-meter 5000.

Duck: well what's taking you Tech.

Tech: My baby! My Bio-meter is broken shoot! and it won't show his/hers Biography!

Rev: Hey-Tech-can-you-make-another-one?

Tech: That's a good idea Rev but....

Duck: But..... what.

Lexi: Hey let's catch him hurry Tech he's getting away!

Ace: i'll blow his tire's off. Ok here it goes.

?????: woah! that was unexpected!

Ace: who ever you are step out of the car immedly!

?????: i'm out!

Duck: Ace said who are you? well?

?????: The names Harry!!
( The police appear.)

Ace: Well, Harry its time to go to jail because you are no 007 agent. Take him away police.

end of proloque


How do you like it so far.If there is anything wrong about my story please tell me.








-- Edited by steve123 at 18:23, 2008-04-24

__________________
Akira_Cat


Your local cat

Status: Offline
Posts: 3505
Date:
Permalink   

I can't say there's nothing wrong with the story line but unless the villain attacked them first, I doubt they'd just looks at a guy running to his car and say "Hmm, he looks suspicious. Even though we didn't see him commit a crime. Lets get him anyways". But nice story there otherwise Steve.

__________________


steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   


thank you

Chapter 1 Its Rip!

( The police took Harry away.)

Tech: That was fun.

Ace: Yeah.

Lexi: i wonder if they are more easy guys like that.

Duck: Probably.

Tech: I think your correct.

Ace: Yeah. I wonder if he's up to something.

Slam:(mumbling) Mystery. 

(suddenly an unknown visitor came up from the shadow)

?????: Hello guys what are you talking about?

Rev: Who's-there-come-out-now!

?????: It's me Rev, your brother Rip how you doing?

Rev: Rip! oh i missed you how's ma and pup?

Rip: Great, oh hi guys, Ace, Lexi, Duck, Tech, and slam.

Ace: Hey Rip. How are you?

Rip: Good. And you Ace?

Ace: good.

Rev:  There-was-a-weird-guy-we-chased.

Duck: The weirdest guy on the planet but a reeally cool car. 

Ace: Yeah. Very cool. Let's jet.

End of Chapter one.

-- Edited by steve123 at 18:52, 2008-04-24

__________________
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

Chapter 2(Wher'd ace go?)
 
( The police car comes back.)

police: Apparently we picked the wrong guy to go to jail, his name is haryy traker a undercover agent.

Ace: Ah! An undercover agent eh? who's side?

Police: yours.

Harry: Hello your the loonatics im sorry that i was rumming away but i had to keep my cover.

Ace: okay. from who?

Harry: Two people. Blofeld and ring, something.

Duck; Ringmaster?

Harry: Yes that's right.

Ace: Alright harry can come with to our HQ.
( The loonatics and Harry go to the HQ.)

Tech: Alright! Whoa! What happened here?!

Harry: blofeld.

Duck: Well who's cleaning the place up this time? and where's Zadavia.

Harry: Zadavia?

Duck: Our manager.

????: Mr.traker, Mr.traker are you there? where are you?

Harry: Ah Q, M how are you?

Man: Mr. Traker report back here at once.
( All of the sudden 4 mysterious villains came into their HQ)

Harry:  I'll call you back!

????: well, well, well, what do we have here.

????2: Looks like a agent and the loosertics, ready for a battle?

Harry: Who are these guys?

Tech: Mallory?

Duck: Look Tech your girlfriend and Sypher too.

Mallory: Hello Tech again, i shall.........

Sypher: Mallory do you have feelings for Tech again?

Mallory:(noddes)

Sypher: We have been sent here to do one job catch the loonatics and plus he is watching us right now.

Ace: Anyways get them loonatics, Rip go to safety.

Tech: Wait guys it's a trap!!!

( It was to late for Ace he dissappered)

Everyone: Ace!!!!!jawdrop.gif

End of Chapter 2




-- Edited by steve123 at 19:20, 2008-04-24

__________________
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

how do you like it so far

__________________
Techy_Coyote


Beast

Status: Offline
Posts: 116
Date:
Permalink   

Hmm... 3 parts to my answer:

1) I don't know what is happening
2) The setting is so... non-acmetropolis setting
3) A MAJOR clash in storyline, I mean, James Bond so does not come well into the story and villains coming to express feelings is so... UGH!!!!

No offence but I'm just stating my honest opinion becuz I remember I first wrote my fanfic and Black Oracle told me to start a short story first... But, If you wanna continue the story, I don't mind at all...

__________________
My First Idol...

My second Idol...


http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r175/in-flux/what.gif

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r175/in-flux/gasp.gif

Mortals... Divine Gods... Cold Hell... Warm Heaven...
Black Oracle


Black Hole Survivor

Status: Offline
Posts: 2424
Date:
Permalink   

I have to agree with Techy's points to be honest. A Bond and LU crossover seems an odd one to do, they don't seem to be very compatible characters. And the part about Mastermind appearing out of the blue and admitting she has feelings for Tech is rather...random, as is Rip's sudden appearance too.

__________________
Activate! Regenerate!
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

you're right it does need a little changing but is there anything you want me to fix?

__________________
Black Oracle


Black Hole Survivor

Status: Offline
Posts: 2424
Date:
Permalink   

Well, you use your own judgements steve. If you want to continue with this story then by all means feel free to do so. Those were just my personal feelings about such a crossover idea.

__________________
Activate! Regenerate!
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

k i will tell you whats happening they were on their way to a basherball game at the Acmetropolis world dome until the loonatics run into trouble and thought that it was a villain but it was Harry and their briefing to eachother and figuring out a stragety, Rip came along because he was bored(i would have put that in the story) so he went for a walk until he found Rev and them. Mastermind and Sypher were there because they were sent by Blofeld and what they mean by ''he'' is blofeld. Ace got zapped as soon as he saved Rip.

Chapter 3(Old friend,New enemy)
(meanwhile Ace has been zapped by masterminds zap gun and he is in a different world) 
Ace:  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ace: Ow! where am i? Some type of weird place or something, Help!

(meanwhile back to Tech and everybody else in the Loonatics HQ)

Tech: Where did Ace go Mallory?!( Lifting Mallory by the shirt)

Mallory: Oh he is in another universe, Dog face!( Her and Sypher dissappeared).
 
Duck: First we run into mr.Traker here and Ace dissapeared what a day! I think somebody should take the leader job thingy until we find Ace.

Zadavia: I don't want to say it but Duck's right hmmm harry who should be leader?

Harry: Hmm some one different hmm how about Rev.

Rev: I - have - never - been - leader - before - i - am - honored. ( Excited)

Duck: Well let bird beak just lead the way then.

Rip: What about me bro?

Rev: Stay - here - i - don't - want - you - to - get - hurt..........

Tech: Hey whats heppening to the computer?

( Their computer showed with a figure Blofeld)

Blofeld: Ahhh i ve tooking over your computer systems now loonatics and mr. bond( Evil laugh), i see that Mastermind eliminated your friend and leader Ace.

Lexi: Yes we know that and you are going to pay for that Blofeld is that right.

Blofeld: Correct you have 1:23 seconds to leave you HQ and go save Ace or die along with your HQ, think fast Harry and Loonatics!!(evil laugh).


End of Chapter 3 Any Questions?

-- Edited by steve123 at 19:11, 2008-04-24

__________________
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

want me to write more?

__________________
loonaticfan


Beast

Status: Offline
Posts: 150
Date:
Permalink   

yeah sure I like itsmile

__________________


steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

good good glad you like it.

Chapter 4(were doomed or are we?)

( The loonatics are struggling a way out).

Duck: What are we going to do?!, were going to die! Were dooomed,DOOMED!!

Tech: DUCK GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!( As tech slapped duck a few times).

Lexi: Harry what are we going to do?

Harry:  Well lets go defuse a bomb?

Slam:(mumbling) Where is the bomb?

Harry: In your HQ LETS FIND IT AND HURRY!!!!

(The loonatics search for the bomb and they look everywhere but they just couldn't find it. Until Duck actully found something hard)
Duck: OWWWWWW!!! that hurt and it's....it's beeping, I FOUND IT!

Harry: Ok lets see a herewe are.
( the bomb stops at 00:7 seconds)
Harry: Ok blofeld where's Ace?

Blofeld: Right here Mr.Traker
(Ace is still in the world untill his horror came to a end)

Ace: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Wow im back guys!

Everyone: Ace your back!!

Blofeld: You can't catch me now loonatics!!
( The loonatics and Harry started to chase blofeld)

Ace: Come on we can't loose him!!

Tech: Let's hop in to my flight s milator 6000
Uh oh!

Ace: What's wrong tech?

Tech: My Baby won't start looks like blofeld still got controll of the HQ, we better get out of here.

Rev: Great-idea-tech-Run!

( The loonatics and Harry are running out of their Headquarters and chase blofeld in Harry's car.)

Tech: Wow that's a nice beauty.

Harry: Get in quick!!Get your seatbelt on everybody!

Duck: I don't need a seatbelt let's see what this baby can d......
(Before Duck finished speaking they were going so fast maybe he needed a seatbelt).

Duck: Ok Maybe i do need a seatbelt!!!

Radio: The Acmetropolis Rangers won the game.

Slam: ( Mumbling)Awww we mist the game.cry

Ace: Well good news is we won slam buddy.( Trying to cheer him up)

End of chapter 4


-- Edited by steve123 at 19:09, 2008-04-24

-- Edited by steve123 at 19:10, 2008-04-24

__________________
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   



Chapter 5(Car chase)

Duck: Yes!!!! We are onto the 3rd round wowowooooo!

Ace: Duck there's still 1 more game with the team were facing know.

Duck: I knew that i was just testing you guys.

Tech: Sure you were duck.

Harry: I see Blofeld!!! let's get him!!!

Rev: so - james - what - type - of - car - are - you - driving - anyway? 

Harry: Well, rev the car is called a aston martin 9000.

Rev: Sweetbiggrin

Tech: What does this car do?

Harry: It has a hole bunch of gadgets.

Tech and Rev: Sweet!

Ace: No time for chatin were loosing him!

Henchmen#1: Take this.( As he fires a rocket launcher at them.)

Everybody: Woah!!

Lexi: That was a close one.

Slam: Phwww.

Blofeld on radio: Time to die mr.Bond and loosertics.( Evil laugh)

Harry: Oh shoot i'll be right back i got to go back to england you go stop blofeld and get him arrested ok?

Ace: Yes James.
Hit it loonatics switch vehicles hurry!

Tech: Hurry in my S Mulator 900!

Ace: Duck can you egg him?

Duck: Glad to.

Ace: Brain blast him lex?

Lexi: I'll try.

Ace: Games over blofeld you're trapped.

Blofeld: Actully loonatics you're trapped.

Ace: Tech, Rev , Duck get him!

Tech: Sorry blofeld.

Blofeld: Bye Bye Coyote.

Rev: I - got - you - tech.

Tech: Thanks Rev.

Blofeld: Oh loonatics i forgot to mention i got something of yours.

Rip: Help! Rev!

Rev: Huh? -  Oh - no! - Darn - you - blofeld - i'll - get - you! Don't - worry - Rip - im - comin!

End of Chapter 5. Any body have a favorite part so far?


-- Edited by steve123 at 19:06, 2008-04-24

__________________
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

Chapter 6(Rip were here)

Rip: Let go of me you freak!

Blofeld: Sure right in this jail cell it's electric so if you touch it you die, oh and below you is a trapdoor that has a pool of sharks so have fun trying to escape!(evil laugh) Good Bye Rip Runner.

Rip:NOOOOOO Come on Rev Hurry.omfg.gif

(Meanwhile Rev and the others try to get in)

Ace: Tech any ideas of how to save rip?

Tech: well, chief uh i have electro magnetic paulse remember?

Ace: I know that the sign says EMP proof.

Tech: Darn.

Ace: Duck can you try quacking in there and unlocking the door for us?

Duck: I'll try.
(Duck tries to quack into the building but it was no use.)

Lexi: Any luck?

Duck: No unfortunatly.

Ace: Slam can you try using your tasmanian tornado and dig a giant hole inside?

Slam: (mumbling) I'll try to get in.
(Slam tries to dig into the fortress and it worked.)

Duck: Lets start with that idea next time.

Rev: Look - i - see - slam - digging - to - the - other - side - already. - Almost - there - almost - there - he's - there!

Ace: Thanks Slam.
(Slam reponds with a nod back to Ace and they enter the base.) 

Blofeld: Ahh i knew you guys would be here.

Tech: Which one of you turned on the alarm?
(The 5 loonatics stare at Duck madly.)

Duck: What?!

Blofeld: Security retrieve our new guests.

Duck: This is going to be easy.

Ace: Attack!
(The loonatics fight until all of the security guards were down.)

Rev: Now - lets - go - save - my - brother!

Blofeld: Ahh is Harry going to save the day again or are you taking his place?

Ace: Ah no we are takin his place baldy!

Lexi: I hope that cat you have doesn't give you a disease!

Blofeld: Loonapests you make me mad!

Ace: Tech! Rev! Free Rip! Go!
( Tech and rev respond with a nod and saved rip)

Rip: Aw Thanks Guys take me home Rev.
( Rev quickly dropped Rip at home and now Rip is save.)

Rev: Hello - guys - i'm - back!

Tech: Good we need all the help we can get Blofeld just put on this armour and we can't find a way to get it off.

Blofeld: Im Unstoppable Now loonatics ( Evil laugh.)

The End Of Chapter 6.

-- Edited by steve123 at 19:05, 2008-04-24

__________________
steve123


Frelengian

Status: Offline
Posts: 830
Date:
Permalink   

Lat and final Chapter yepee!

Chapter 7 (Know when to live)

Blofeld: Thats not all you rotten coyote not just the Armour but the weapons too.

Ace: Alright Blofeld i had enough of this! Ow!
(Ace rushed at Blofeld and Blofeld trapped him)

Blofeld: Any last words Bunny! It's just when you gotta know when to live.

Tech: Duck egg him in the eyes!

Duck: Hey Baldy!

Blofeld: My eyes i can't see!

Ace: Everyone while he's blind take out his armour Tech!

Tech: My Armour/Weapon remover Duster 5000 will defiently work.
Say Bye bye to your armour and weaopns Baldy!

Blofeld: Noooooooo! I won't let you...... Whoa Whoa Whoa.

Ace: Look at that guys blofeld is in the jail cell and the trap door is open.

(The trap door opens and blofeld is hanging off)

Ace: Like you said Blofeld you have to know when to live.

Blofeld: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ace: We did it!

Tech: yes we may have defeated Blofeld but there's more.

Ace: What's that Tech?

Tech: A bomb thats about to blow if we don't escape like now!

Ace: Let's Jet!

(The loonatics hop in their jetpacks and flew away with a big Ka-boom! behind them.)


(Now the loonatics are at their HQ with Harry)

Zadavia: Good job Loonatics you saved Acmetropolis once again.
Congratulations! Zadavia out.

Man on radio: Harry good job on the mission now it's time to come back to AcmeLondon.

Harry: Well Loonatics it's been fun working with you. Good bye Ace, Lexi , Slam, Rev, Tech and........Duck.

Duck: Finally he remembers my name.

Ace: Will we ever see you again?

Harry: Will see Good bye.
(Harry leaves to go back to his home in Acmecanada.)

Lexi: Ace can i talk to you alone for a minute, please?

Ace: Sure lexi. What's........
(Lexi kisses Ace on the lips for only 7 seconds)

Ace: Eh, what's With the Kiss Huh?

Lexi: Don't tell anybody else Okay? I kissed you because i felt like it.

Ace: Okay i will not say a word.

Duck: Hey what's the hold up you love birds were hungry, Ace you promised you would make dinner tonight.

Tech and Rev:Yeah come on Ace.

Ace: Im coming are you coming lexi?

Lexi: Right behind you.

The End of Know when to live.

What did you think?


-- Edited by steve123 at 19:03, 2008-04-24

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Back to LUO -> Loonatics Unleashed Online message boards -> Fan Fictions -> Know when to live
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard