As a few of you already know from a separate forum thread, I've been toiling away at a Tech and Rev fanfic here and there, though I'm often exhausted by my job so inspiration comes and goes throughout the week. Although this is TechxRev material and involves some furthering of their pairing, it is not a love story. I'm not crossing any major lines with it and creating rifts in the source material. I'm simply aiming for an enjoyable read with amusing and sentimental character interactions based on the events that take place therein.
Whew.
This scene is from Tech's point of view. More comments to follow, but without further ado:
“Zadavia out.”
Preceded by her usual signoff and a burst of kaleidoscopic illumination that bathed the briefing room in rainbows for a fraction of a moment, the phantom projection of the Loonatics’ leader imploded into nonexistence. The scene had become run-of-the-mill for Tech E. Coyote, marking it as the twenty-seventh mission to conclude with the same routine finale. He slumped into his seat to avoid unnecessary attention, pinning his view on Ace from across the holo-emitter as he awaited an inevitable wrap-up speech.
“Guess we can chalk up a’nudda victory foi’ the Loonatics, eh guys? Good woik out there.” Their rabbit leader was never particularly talented at being motivational, but he was most certainly the best of their bunch; it was a trait that Tech hardly felt inclined to emulate.
“Who would’ve thought the military had been cooking up something that sophisticated, huh? That was pretty crazy for a while there.” Lexi, Ace’s female counterpart of their species, forced the start of an unavoidable conversation as she glanced around the briefing table in expectance of a response. Tech came to hate the predictability of it all, inwardly wishing for a swift retreat to his laboratory and regretting having junked his cloning project from the year before. Though he caught Lexi’s glare, it was rebounded back to Ace in hopes of eluding the need to speak.
Their leader was happy to continue the discussion. “Let’s see. A giant robot that could make little robo-minions from anything around it? Yea, I’d say that’s just a bit high on the crazy meter.”
“Well, I’d certainly say credit should be given where it’s due, hmm?” Duck, having remained in a disinterested state for the early portion of the meeting, found his usual moment to intrude.
“Hey, you’re right, Duck.” Ace moved his eyes to the roadrunner seated beside him with a point of approval. “You were a lifesaver there, Rev. Good t’ing your super speed pulled through when we needed it most.”
“Aw you don’t have to be so flattering Ace besides we all know it was a great idea on my part having Duck distract the master bot with a series of crazy quackings so I could zoom zoom zoom my way to every slave bot and insert a virus that made them turn against-“ As Rev’s words flooded the room, Tech could easily see the roadrunner’s chest swelling with pride.
“What? I fail to see how he gets all the gratitude when I was out there making myself a bull’s-eye in motion.” It was common of Duck to look away with crossed arms in that sort of situation, and Tech observed how the tradition continued. As trigger-happy as his words could be, everything would remain acceptable as long as the coyote avoided becoming a subject in their dialogue. “Besides, the whole mission would’ve gone a lot smoother if a certain someone’s inventions had decided to work like they were supposed to.”
Tech fought back a primal growl as the gambled odds fell against him almost instantly. “Look, Duck,” he snapped. “I fully admit that my calculations were a little off this time, but-“
“Whoa-ho there, Fido.” Duck raised his hands in defense, somehow managing to instantly defuse the coyote’s verbal counterattack despite his own use of slang. “Not to throw a wrench in your grand delusion, but I didn’t see much hero work comin’ from your end.”
Tech could hardly believe Duck’s choice of words. Who was he to speak of delusions? “You know, I’d really like to see you take a linear wave fluctuation from a high-powered, compact, energy inverter and try to convert it into something that covers a few city blocks. Just because my jammer failed-“
“Blew up,” Duck abruptly corrected. “Not to mention that our personal communicators went down, your disruptor guns had no effect, the remote wave shielding thingy didn’t work, and... hey, are you ever going to fix the espresso machine in the break room or what?”
“Duck, you wouldn’t know the first thing about-”
“Um, guys?” Ace’s interjection was unusually fragile, although well timed.
Tech failed to notice when he had stood during his outburst and his eyes scanned over the varied expressions dealt by his teammates; from Ace’s suspicious glare to Slam’s gawk of utter confusion. “I’m assuming this ends our debriefing. Apparently, there’s plenty of work for me to do, so if you don’t mind..”
“Yea, about ‘dat. We were actually thinkin’ of going out for pizza. Sure ya’ don’t wanna join? We’ll even make Duck sit by himself.”
“Hey!” Duck’s offended reaction produced a bemused, though short-lived, expression on the coyote.
“What’s wrong, doc? You can consider it the hero’s table.” The rabbit’s swift follow-through garnered a few chuckles around the room, along with a petulant toss of the head from its intended target. “Come on, Duck. You know I’m just kidding ya’. So are we gonna jet for pizza?”
“Grah-bah pizza!” Slam placed his eager vote in his own unique and audible manner.
“Yea Tech pizza come on you love pizza there’s no way you can say no to-“ Before the generated wind from Rev’s blazing dash to Tech’s backside could manage catching up, his voice was already filling the canine’s ears.
“Sorry. Thanks for the offer, really, but tonight just isn’t my night.” Tech privately concluded the proposition with an understanding, yet firm tone. That ought to be sufficient enough.
“Hey are you sure about this pal? You’ve only turned down pizza three out of forty eight times by my calculations and it’s always been cause of something bad like that time you were so close to figuring out that experiment with electrons and MAN that was exciting but there was that huge power outage right at the end and all you did was mope all over the place after that.“ Rev’s flurry of words were punctuated by an insistent finger jabbing spree at his friend’s back, and it felt as if surgery was being performed on his spine with a drill bit.
Tech sighed, presenting signs of exhaustion from constantly having to provide justification for his decisions. “Yes, I’m sure, Rev. Everybody, have a good time without me.” His current mood must have been painfully obvious to the others despite his attempt to mask it, and so he claimed the chance to exit with a shred of decency before his foot found its way into his muzzle. On his way out, his acute ears picked up a final inaudible utterance from the roadrunner, although he was too far-gone to turn back. With a casual wave of his hand and a surge of his magnetic capabilities, the metallic entry door gave way to the outer corridors by the coyote’s will in lieu of its automatic sensors. Adding testament for the others not to follow, he made a point in giving the large mechanical obstruction a forceful closure upon his departure.
And that be all for now, folks. The scene actually continues by jumping into Rev's point of view and rewinding about ten seconds from the end. Poor Tech gets little dialogue love to begin with, but that's simply due to the fact that all six characters are gathered here at once, and that will only happen one other time in the story. I wanted to have fun with all of them I'm also continuing to fine tune things, since my biggest challenge is presenting the story from the characters' perspectives and keeping the descriptive narration true to their individual ways.
Now tell me stuff!
-EDIT- Ugh, punctuation problems fixed. I hate pasting into this forum's editor. It's such a hassle, and I'm a perfectionist.
-- Edited by ShagsterP at 02:44, 2007-06-26
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Rev: "If you weren't a coyote -and a guy- I'd kiss you!" Tech: "Lucky for me, I'm both." Rev: "Aw who'm I kiddin'?" *smooch!* Tech: "Gah!"
Very nice writing Shagster! You nailed Tech's point of view definitely. I liked Tech's opinion of Ace, that he doesn't find him very good at motivating! That was funny to me. I got a good sense of Tech's calm observations of the others and his frustration at Duck's words here. And the final scene of Tech using his powers to open and shut the door was cool. A very good piece here where the reader is placed within the mind of Tech and sees through his eyes. A great insight into my fave Loonatic!
Wheeeeeeeee~!! Its finally here!! Sorta!! But its still awesome!! Yay!! *needs sleep*
Great start so far ^_^ Even if its not much, you still really get Tech's personality down perfectly that not many LU writers can do. As well as everyone else of course. ^-^
I'm still keeping up with the fic; a couple of paragraphs added here and there at a time (I write slow and methodically). Though my job significantly cut my hours for next week, so I'll probably get more of this done than I expected >_>.
I plan on adding the second Rev-based scene here since I might as well preview his point of view, which shows off drastic contrasts on how he and Tech view the others around them. It actually continues on with the current scene before moving on to the next, anyhow. After that, there's a good chance I won't preview anything else until I've completed the thing entirely.
I appreciate everything ^_^
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Rev: "If you weren't a coyote -and a guy- I'd kiss you!" Tech: "Lucky for me, I'm both." Rev: "Aw who'm I kiddin'?" *smooch!* Tech: "Gah!"
Sounds to me like you've got an awesome story coming along. ^ ^; Your vocabulary adds a lot to it, not to mention. You're doing a great job. =3
Domo-arigatou, mister Rye-bato ^_^. Actually, I've purposely stunted my vocabulary for this. If you read the writing exercise I posted up a while back in the Randomness section, you'll notice my normal style is more excessively elaborate and detailed. The challenge for my LU fic, however, is bringing it down to earth for the characters and being more to the point.
Too bad I don't really act/speak as intelligently in real life as I come across online or through my writing, haha.. =\
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Rev: "If you weren't a coyote -and a guy- I'd kiss you!" Tech: "Lucky for me, I'm both." Rev: "Aw who'm I kiddin'?" *smooch!* Tech: "Gah!"
I've found that the best writers never talk so profoundly as they do in their writing. x3 Whereas it seems that those who talk quite profoundly in real life cannot bring themselves across in writing. There are exceptions of course, but that's what I've noticed... Whenever I write I sound a lot more proper than I do when I'm just talking with friends. I feel silly talking so proper outloud. I don't know how people do it without feeling like they just walked out of Shakespeare.
"Domo-arigatou, mister Rye-bato ^_^." I do believe that would be "miss". xD
A very good start! Everyone is really in character, obviously a good trait to have in fan fiction, and you seem to have captured Tech's analytical way of thinking perfectly. Oh, and of course, the way you oh-so-subtlety introduce Tech and Rev's relationship is awesome.
Scene 1B completes the entirety of scene one (I consider a change of location as an actual scene change), so I figured I'd go ahead and post this part as well. It's rounded out by my first attempt at Rev's point of view. Hope the red font doesn't destroy my readers' eyes >_>
At first, I thought I'd go ahead and ramble his thoughts and narration, but then I figured that it simply works best through his speech for the most part. So in contrast to Tech, who analyzes everything inwardly, Rev lets out as much as he can, with random distracting thoughts here and there. I guess we all figure the roadrunner's a poster boy for ADHD, after all XD
“Geez Tech you don’t have to go nuts over one bad mission.” Rev conveyed his statement with a hint of annoyance, realizing how far out of earshot he was from the irate coyote. He briefly considered zipping between the dual-paneled doors; he could have done so in a matter of nanoseconds, but Tech’s indirect request for solitude was clear enough to hold him in place. If there had been a single most important lesson learned from his time spent assisting in his friend’s laboratory, it was to provide enough distance whenever his mood fell sour.
“Eh, don’t look so glum, Rev,” Ace reassured. “I’m sure ol’ Tech-head’s just gonna go meditate or somethin’.”
Rev turned to give their leader an appreciative smile, glad for his support in every sort of matter. Whether it was personal or simply part of the job, he could always count on Ace’s uplifting remarks to give him a boost. They’d definitely be planning to attend another basherball game once the new season began.
“Hah, good riddance. We don’t need a cloud of doom and gloom getting the pizza soggy, anyway. Yeesh, he even made Slam look good out there.” Duck remained vigilant in singling himself out, quickly withdrawing from his soapbox as the imposing Tasmanian devil answered his comment with a threatening approach. “Eek.”
“Careful now,” Lexi cautioned the doomed bird. “Or Slam might be having a duck soup appetizer.
“Very funny. At least I’d give him one heck of a case of indigestion.” With that, Duck folded his arms and quacked out of sight.
Rev stood with his hands planted on his hips, wanting to laugh aloud at the typical comedic scenes he’d become accustomed to in his superhero role. Their interactions were always a bright spot in his day, even something he looked forward to, but for now their more important agenda was at an awkward standstill.
Ace dutifully took it upon himself to pick up the pieces. “Okay, so now that ‘dat’s covered, what say we get changed and head on outta’ here? You’re comin’, right Rev?”
“Well I kinda sorta wanted to try and take the chance to give a shot at well you know.” Rev rubbed at his shoulder as he attempted to stammer out his intentions, momentarily wondering if his rapid chafing could possibly damage the suit. He laughed the thought away immediately, realizing the advanced shielding Tech had integrated had been capable of absorbing far worse damage.
“Ah, can’t say I catch what you’re gettin’ at, speedy. Think you could turn the tempo down a bit?”
Lexi gestured to the other rabbit as she stood in preparation to leave. “I’m pretty sure he wants to check on our resident genius. Isn’t that right, Rev?”
He nodded energetically at Lexi’s intuition. “Bingo Lexi wow you always know how to read my mind but then again you’ve always been good at that so is that okay? Pizza REALLY sounds good right about now and I want to go but I’ve also gotta check on Tech and make sure he doesn’t turn into a mad scientist or anything it won’t take long okay?” Although it was clear to the team that something was off with the coyote in question, Rev didn’t want to admit his own deeper suspicions. It was true that Tech had given him the cold shoulder, but there had been a distinct lack of consequence from his usual pestering; there hadn’t beenany fingers clenching his beak shut, and that oddly made the roadrunner flush inside with worry.
“Hey, that woiks for me. You could probably take your time and still beat us there on foot. Just be sure to reserve us a table, all right?”
“Yes sir you got it I’ll see you guys there!” Rev gave an enthusiastic salute to their revered chief, thereafter pulling a leg up as the briefest of indications before speeding away in the wake of a bird-made cloud of dust.
-- Edited by ShagsterP at 02:54, 2007-06-26
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Rev: "If you weren't a coyote -and a guy- I'd kiss you!" Tech: "Lucky for me, I'm both." Rev: "Aw who'm I kiddin'?" *smooch!* Tech: "Gah!"
I think now I seem to have a curse that only allows me to find out you updated this when its extremely late at night causing me to sneak my laptop into my room to read and reveiw while trying to not get in trouble from staying up late......but I don't mind XD
Even with its shortness, lovely addition to the story and awesome job Yet now you really leave me wanting you to update soon with a fury of a thousand suns. T___T
Nice writing there Shagster. I like the details you've put in this. And I like the way that you've kept the characters in character. Nothing strange about their behaviour. Just the way they would normally act in different situations. Really good work. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Thanks again, everybody. Honestly, I hate the slow pace at which I write. And I still think my character writing could be stronger as far as non-dialogue narration goes, so it's something I'll continuously be working on. Strangely, I've discovered that I like writing for Ace, too. Gave him more interaction than I originally intended. He's just such a good guy in a sort of naive, non-judgmental way, and I kind of like that quality. Although for this story, it'll be Lexi who's the lead supporting character.
Anyway, I'll be leaving to visit Georgia this Sunday, July 1st for a whole week, so I'll see how much I write while on vacation.
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Rev: "If you weren't a coyote -and a guy- I'd kiss you!" Tech: "Lucky for me, I'm both." Rev: "Aw who'm I kiddin'?" *smooch!* Tech: "Gah!"
I'm also continuing to fine tune things, since my biggest challenge is presenting the story from the characters' perspectives and keeping the descriptive narration true to their individual ways.
Activate! Regenerate!
