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Post Info TOPIC: Bunny Romance
loonatics6


Human

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Bunny Romance
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Hi! I'm new to this so I'm not sure if my stories are good. But I'll let you guys be the judge, so here it is.:

Chapter 1: Love at First Sight

At HQ, the Loonatics were watching T.V. except for Lexi, she was gazing at the night sky Ace noticed this and decided to join her.
Lexi: Beautiful isin't it Ace?
Ace: Yes, you are.
Lexi:What?
Ace: I mean yeah! The sky sure is nice.

They enjoy the moment and Zadavia appears on the T.V. screen.
Zadavia: Loonatics we have a problem.
Duck: Can't it wait till half time?
Zadavia:Now Duck!
Tech: (bites a slice of pizza) What's wrong?
Zadavia:Something's going wrong at Down Town, I'm not sure what it is because there's a very thick fog.
Duck: Oh no! Misty Breeze is reporting there!
Zadavia: Um......indeed. Acmetropolis is counting on you to take care of this, Zadavia out.
Ace: She gets to go out while we get to handle trouble at Down Town, Nice. Let's Jet!

The Loonatics arrive at down town and finds Weathervane causing the trouble.
Weathervane: How do you like this Misty? Now you have something to report about! Let's puff up the clouds and bring in the fog.
Misty: Hey!
Duck: Have no fear! For Danger Duck is here! (Teleports Misty to a tree branch) You are so lucky to have me as your protector. (heart shaped eyes)
Misty:(creeped out) Um......yeah. Are you sure this branch is stong enough? (falls) Ooff!
Duck: Kinda?
Weathervane: Pesky Duck! (shoots lighting bolt at Duck)
Duck: (Teleports in a T.V.) Look mommy I'm on T.V.
Lexi: (brain blasts Weathervane) What do you think?
Weathervane: Not bad. But how about this? ( puts the Loonatics in a tornado )
Rev: I knew I shouldn't have had that last pizza!
Tech: Stop it!
Slam: I'm getting dizzy!
Ace: Quick everyone hold hands! (holds Lexi's hand first) Tech your grappling hook!
Tech: Right! ( fires at a lampost )

Everyone got out of the tornado and lands safely then Lexi falls on Ace. Ending up him carrying Lexi.
Lexi: Good Catch!
Ace: yeah. (blush)
Lexi: Umm....Ace you can put me down now.
Ace: Oh! (puts her down)

The others slipped a sly smile on their lips

End of Chapter 1

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Siamese712


I blamed it on the dog...

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Okay Loonatics6 first of all a little helpfull cridesisum

1. Your useing to much dilog and movement thats from the cartoon its self. We wount to read your words not some one elses.

2. Try more detaile. put some emotion ans voce into it. To me it felt like you where rushing it a bit.

Besides that you have what looks like a good idea and could come out as a good acexi fic. I hope I helped yousmile

PS. Wellcom to the boardsaww

-- Edited by Siamese712 at 08:51, 2007-08-04

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I Blamed It On The Dog

Ace: My heart is yours. Now and forever
Lexi: As my heart belongs to you. 

*LOVE*

Ace: I'm more of the flying by the seat of my pants guy
Lexi:There something I'd like to do to the seat of your pants
_________

 

 
Kenny McCormick


Anthros

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[...Um...Hmm...]

[I have to agree with Siamese712, but there are more things wrong with it...]

[You're making the pairing too obvious...]

[You're also making the pairing too early.]

[Oh, and try to use commas to let us know that the characters are talking to each other.  Here are a few examples (From your story, if you don't mind) :]

["Beautiful, isn't it, Ace?"]

["Loonatics, we have a problem."]

["Now, Duck!"]

["Look, Mommy, I'm on T.V..."]

["Tech, your grappling hook!"]

["Umm...Ace, you can put me down now."]

[It makes reading the story easier if you use punctuation.]

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doggirl2772


Out of This World

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Hey there! I'm here to read and comment about your story (cause I wanna and I will)!

First of all, Welcome to LUO (and unless you've been here for awhile already, Hi!)!

Second of all, I like where its going. But then again, I like any Acexi fanfics.

Third of all, I have to agree with Siamese and Kenny. Try using a bit more detail, comas and emotion in it. I also noticed quite a bit of similarities between this and the actual episodes. We wanna hear what you think they'd do and how they'd interact with one another. You can use things from the episodes, but this is your fanfic. Dont let it be limmited by what WB has already made them say and do. In here, anything can happen.

Well, ya, now thats been all said, I got one question for ya. Are you the same loonatics6 from youtube? And if so, glad you came! And if not, glad you came!

Keep going! I'm sure you'll make a great story!smile



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BlackCat


Anthros

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loonatics6, I agree with the others, but dont give up on the story. It seems like a good idea.

ND I'M NEW HEAR TO, welcom

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in the end nothing maters so why be coshes in life? live like you whant to live but do not dwingle in sorow. You deside your mental status so why desid to be sad? desid to be happy. Even if you live a thousedn years life is still short. Even if you live a milon years life is still not worth it with out love.
DJ_TDI_411


Beast

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Kenny McCormick wrote:

[...Um...Hmm...]

[I have to agree with Siamese712, but there are more things wrong with it...]

[You're making the pairing too obvious...]

[You're also making the pairing too early.]

[Oh, and try to use commas to let us know that the characters are talking to each other.  Here are a few examples (From your story, if you don't mind) :]

["Beautiful, isn't it, Ace?"]

["Loonatics, we have a problem."]

["Now, Duck!"]

["Look, Mommy, I'm on T.V..."]

["Tech, your grappling hook!"]

["Umm...Ace, you can put me down now."]

[It makes reading the story easier if you use punctuation.]


I agree with Kenny and Siamese712, too. You put some dialogs from the actual episodes and the pairing IS too obvious. But, still a good story.smile 



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Maddie : *crashes through the wall* EDDIE!!! I'M BACK!!
Eddie : NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! And I thought my life was just getting better!! D:
Maddie : Well, too bad.
IceGirl2772


Loonatic

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Why did you stop? It's really good. I'm gonna have to agree with the others though. Some dialoge would be good. Please continue the story. It's really good. *gets hit by a brick*

THAT'S IT!

*Throws a brick at them and knocks Lexi out cold*

Ace: LEXI! *catches her before she hits the ground really hard*

Me: Sorry. I was aiming for the window.

-- Edited by IceGirl2772 at 18:04, 2008-10-19

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Can't think of anything so, don't blame me for being lazy.
lilypupu123


Beast

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Yeah it was...

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Peace. Love. Hope.

I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior.

SAYING is one thing, ACTION is another

I'm your typical ACE  and Lexi shipper. Fear me!!!

( )_( ) ( )_( )
(='.'=) (='.'=)
(")_(")(")_(")~~It's so Cute!!!




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