Well apart from the spelling mistakes, this looks promising to be a very good story. I found it effective when you put a statement at the beginning before the dialogue started off. Overall, nice work ! I'll be waiting for the next chapter.

And welcome to the LUO fan base. We hope you have a good time here

And don't worry about your asperger's. I have it too! I know there are some people here with the same mental disorder, but I'm glad to know that we're not the only ones here with it. For me, I wouldn't consider it a curse. In fact, if I didn't have it, I wouldn't be me. But still. Welcome

-- Edited by Akira_Cat at 02:07, 2007-12-25

I agree with Akira, this sounds really promising, continue!

I'm sorry about your condition. I wish I could say, 'I hope it gets better,' but I think stuff like that is permanent. *bricks self* Sorry, that wasn't supposed to sound like that. I'll just shut up before I embarass myself or hurt your feelings any further!

Anyway, great story!

I think you did a great job of capturing the characteristics.

And dont worry about your AS syndrome, there are much much much worse things you could have been cursed with, Like some of the things I'm cursed with. I dont even get my meds!

Thanks, I spent countless hours watching episodes to get there personalities just right. I would like too say that I guess that there are far more worse things than AS,depression,severe anxiety,and creepy relatives.[giggles] So, you could be suffering far more. I'm glad you like fanfiction so far.










t

Chapter 3 Joy arises when you give me Jewels

Ace:[looks in direction Slam is pointing] There it is, the island of Millania.
Lexi:Wow, it's so beautiful!
Rev:[jumps up and down on chair in place of exclaiming]
Duck:The island is'nt the only thing thats beautiful down there.[drools and points to a female Coyote and Road-runner]
event:The Coyote is slightly lighter in color than Tech with sandy brown bangs and short hair that curves inward at her chin. She is sporting a tight green Tee with equally fiting blue jeans. The Road-runner is white with blond plumage for hair which falls gracefully just past her shoulders. She is wearing a pink shirt that exposes her middrift and is also wearing tight fitting jeans. Both girls are waving too the approaching craft.
Duck:[races to the girls as soon they land]Hello, Danger Duck here at your service.
event:Ace Lexi and Slam approach them as-well.
Road-runner: Hi, i'm Jewel and this is Joy.[points to Coyote]
Joy:[nods] We are part of the Welcoming commitee and as the name implies,we are here to welcome you too the island.[hands each of them a crimson flower with eleven petals that expand directly foward] [looks at the two remaining flowers] Uh,is'nt there supposed to be six of you?
event:Tech arrives but stops dead in his tracks when he spots Joy.
Tech:[begans shaking] Hi, I'm E. Coyote Tech.[gulps] I mean Tech E. Coyote.
Joy:[giggles and hands Tech a flower]
Lexi:[nudges Aces' left shoulder]
Ace:[rolls eyes]
Rev:[enters scene then pauses and gazes upon Jewel and attempts too speak forgetting about the duck-tape]
Jewel:[smiles then hands  Rev a flower]
Rev:[slowly removes tape then holds out a shaking hand]
Lexi:[nudges ace again]
Ace:[rolls eyes again]
Jewel:[shakes hands] Let me show you were you will be staying.
event:They had only been walking a short distance when they heard a mixture of growling and roaring, along with Lexi shrieking and yelling.
Lexi:Ace!Ace!


Me: What happens next? You have too wait till the next chapter. MWAH HA HA!!!!!!!!!
Sorry if Tech and Rev sounded a bit off character,but I guess love does that too you.





-- Edited by Rev girl at 17:48, 2007-12-26

Awww! I do believe that Tech and Rev might be in love! *giggles*

Cassidy: *is glaring daggers at Joy*
Me: Uh oh. Does anyone else think this might not turn out well?

Not Bad! Continue! Oh and welcome!

Good story (only a little hard for me read when it change the size of the letters n_nU)

Continue, I want to know more....

Chapter 5 A home away from home and a fiasco


event: the group was nearing there temporary home at a fast pace. Ace and Lexi had a conversation on the display Rev and Tech had put on in front of the girls.

Lexi:Ace? Can I ask you something?
Ace:Fire-away
Lexi:I've been thinking,and I can't figure out why Rev and Tech acted the way they did back there. Do you have any idea?
Ace:Well, I can kind of understand Tech, he is usually very shy, but not the way he was back at the landing site. Maybe it's that he was just was really nervous since we dragged him out of his lab and all.
Lexi:But what about Rev? He is always very friendly and confident ,but a while ago it was like he was a completely different anthro. You don't think...
event:Lexi was cut-off by Ace who knew what she was going to say.
Ace:[holds hand up with the palm out]Lex,what ever Tech and Rev are feeling is just blooming puppy-love. They'll get over it when we get back home. Don't tell Tech about the puppy love comment though.
event:Meanwhile
Joy:So Tech, tell me,what are your powers?
event:Tech was enjoying Joys' company. He was getting used to her presence,it felt right.
Tech:[grins slightly] Well, I possiece the power of moleculear  regeneration ,for instance, if one of my teammates plugs in a machine i'm working on[glances at Rev] and I am reduced to ash I still live, and I can control technology plus levatate metal.
Joy:Interisting,by the way how long do you plan on staying?
Tech:Only for the weekend.Why?
Joy:[appears dissapointed] Nothing, just curious.
Jewel:[pauses and points too three cabins] Here we are.
event:Each cabin had one window and was standing on stilts just in case of flooding. One had only two beds while the others had three.The first one was agreed for Tech and Rev too bunk in,then Slam,Duck,and Ace got the secound.
Jewel:Lexi, would you like it if me and Joy bunked with you so you won't be alone?
Lexi:Sure, I would love the chance to get too know you two better.I can tell we'll get along very well.Say,Joy cute top your wearing.
Joy:Thanks I got it at Anthro Style.
Lexi:I love that store!
Joy:Me too!
Jewel:Me three!
All three girls:[giggles]
Ace:Well, if you goils are done being all goily I think me and the guys will head into our homes away from home and change.[points to uniform]
event:In Tech and Revs' cabin.
Rev:Hey,um...Tech?[Rev pulls down a red shirt too cover his blue feathery torso]
Tech:Yeah Rev?[Rev was near dressed and he had just begun to remove his uniform]
Rev:[Buckles up his jeans and sits on his bed]It's-just-that-i've-got- this-weird-feeling-inside-my-stomach- and-chest.
Tech:[finishes getting dressed and sits down next too Rev]What kind of feeling?
Rev:It-feels-like-a-million-butterflys-are-tickleing-my-insides-and- sometimes-it-makes-me-feel-like-I'm-gonna-puke,and-my-heart- starts-beating-faster. The-weird-thing-is-that-I-like-it-and-I-don't want-it-too-go-away.Which-is-a-weird-feeling-too-feel-for-that-feeling
event:Tech had an idea of what his friend was feeling.
Tech:When do you think that feeling is the stongest?
Rev:[rubs chin] When I'm with Jewel.
event:suspicions confirmed!Tech had the same feeling when he was with Joy,but he was'nt about to admit that too himself.
Tech:[puts hand on Revs' shoulder]I know what it is he,but I think it is best if you find out for yourself.
Rev:[nods and looks down at his dangling feet puzzled]
event:They were interupted by the sound of splintering wood and Ducks' cries.
Duck: Help!Help! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
event:Everyone runs outside. Duck was riding a wild hog. The hog appearantly had crashed through the wall while Danger was still dressing for the sleeves of his shirt were empty,also of note there was enter and exit holes in the oppisite sides of the cabin.
Rev:[running next to hog]Duck-Duck! Quack-out-of-there-right-now!!!
event:Duck did as he was told only to find himself in a nearby waterfall.
Duck:AHHHHHH!HHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
event:Just as Duck came tumbling down a blue blur came flying by and caught him!It was Rev! Jewel could'nt help thinking how heroic Rev looked. She zipped up to the fall too get a closer look. Unfortunatly she overestimated the steadiness of the bank and plunged into the river which went into yet another fall!!! Rev quickly put down Danger who landed in mud,and went after Jewel. Jewel went under as Rev dove in after her. He flew out soaking wet with Jewels' small frame in his skinny yet strong arms and landed in front of the girls' cabin.
All:[running up to Rev] Rev! Rev!
Rev:[cradling Jewels' shivering figure]Joy, canyoulightfire?![faster than usual]
event:Joy went to work as Rev sped away to fetch some blankets and returned.
Rev:[sighs with relife too find Jewel sitting up as he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders]
event:Twenty minutes later Rev found himself wrapped in a blanket sitting by the fire with Jewel asleep against him. He was watching the others repair the damaged lodge. Every one turned in when they were done. He picked up Jewel and carried her to her bed and layed Jewel down then covered her.


End of chapter



 

Aaaaaw!!! As much as it pains me to say this cos he's my favourite character, they both have to be together! I'm only saying this cos I wanna make the roadrunner happy! Keep up with the good work though .