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Post Info TOPIC: A dragon's heart (on hold for rewriting)


Loonatic

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A dragon's heart (on hold for rewriting)
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Well, this has been troubling my mind for a looooooooong time… So only because I HATE having a troubled mind I decided to post this. Enjoy…
PS: if in the future it has many slaughtering scenes, blame my math teacher… She knows why…
PSS: Lexi is a little OOC

Disclaimer: Trust me… you wouldn’t want me to own the Loonatics…

Chapter 1

Lexi closed and locked her room’s door, then sighed. She walked towards the middle of her room and stretched her right hand in front of her. “Emerald Dragon sword” she whispered. Immediately, a sword with golden handle and blade made of emerald appeared in her hand. She revolved it around herself, practicing attacks and defenses. After half an hour she whipped the sweat away from her forehead. “Is it me, or this thing is really heavier than the last time?” she muttered making the sword vanish. She grabbed the bottle of water on the cupboard and drank a sip. Then materialized the sword again and started revolving it around her once again. But as the she swung the sword behind her back, there was a loud klang as it met another one. Lexi’s eyes widened and immediately she turned around to see who her ‘attacker’ was, only to make her eyes widen more.
“Hi Lex… Long time no see…” said a Brown rabbit with brown eyes “Or should I say… Earth…”
Lexi’s eyes returned to their original shape. “Dagger, I’m not Earth anymore” she said harshly. “What are you doing here?” she added. Dagger smiled “Lexi, Lexi… 1. You’ll always be earth, no matter what and 2. Puh-lease… Don’t tell me that you didn’t felt the call…” he said, making her eyes grow wide. “H-how did you know?” she said in a confused voice. He gave her a sad smile “I’m experiencing it every day… How couldn’t I know” he said. Lexi sighed “So you’re here to ask me to come back?” she asked. Dagger nodded. She sighed again “Here’s my answer: Tell Goldenflight to come here… To convince me to come… if she can. I’ll think about it, but only if she’ll come” she said. Dagger nodded before opening a portal and disappearing, as quickly as he had appeared. Lexi was standing there motionless, her hand on her forehead, behind her hair, touching her birthmark. “I can’t leave them alone to face al the difficulties, can I?” she whispered. She snapped out of her thoughts as she heard Ace’s voice: “Lex, trouble”
“Coming Ace!” she shouted, wiping a single tear off her face
I’ll do the thinking later she thought

…to be continued

Ok, ok… I know… What in the world is Lexi doing with a sword? Who’s Dagger? What kind of name is ‘Dagger’? Who’s Goldenflight? Why do you call Lexi, Earth? Which birthmark? You might ask… You’ll see… Just tell me what you think… And no it’s NOT a LexiXDagger story. More like AceXLexi


-- Edited by LoonaticsF at 08:02, 2008-08-05

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Human

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A dragon's heart
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OOOOOOO!
Sounds cool!

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Loonatic

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Thankies!!!

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Loonatic

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I think I’ll clean things up a bit in this one…

Disclaimer: I do not own Loonatics Unleashed. If I did, Lexi would definitely NOT be pink

Chapter 2

Lexi looked around her and smiled. They were at the town hall where the whole city-planet was celebrating. It was their third year anniversary as a team! She should be enjoying herself, shouldn’t she? Yet she couldn’t… It had been a week since Dagger’s ‘visit’ and there was no sign of Goldenflight yet. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was longing to see her old companion again. Plus, she was starting to worry. What if things weren’t going as planned? She decided to shrug the thought off.
“Wow… It’s been three years? I could swear it was three weeks or something…” said Tech, making Lexi to snap out of her thoughts “True, true. It happens when you have good friends…” She said. “Good point there Lex!” Ace said “He, he thanx…” She suddenly felt the star shaped mark on her forehead burning “Great! They couldn’t find a more perfect timing!” she mumbled. She had to slip out of the celebration. But how? “Lex, you ok?” asked a concerned Ace. Bingo! Here comes the how she was looking for. “Not quite… Ace, can I go to HQ? My head really aches…” she said “Sure thing… Take a rest…” he said. Lexi nodded and rushed out of the town hall as if she had wings on her legs. The other Loonatics stared with confusion. “What’s-wrong-with-her?-She’s-been-acting-strange-lately” Rev said. Duck shrugged. “No clue… Maybe she found herself a new boyfriend or something…” he said


With Lexi…

Lexi entered the HQ and rushed into her room “Don’t panic, don’t panic, DON’T PANIC!!! Maybe it’s just a headache…” she walked towards the mirror and pushed her hair up to look at her birthmark. It was glowing light green. “Guess it’s time then…” she whispered. By the time these words exited her mouth, a portal opened. Out of it stepped a golden dragon. Lexi’s emerald eyes met the dragon’s ruby ones. Silence… Until the dragon spoke “Nice to see you again mistress…” she said. Lexi smiled “Nice too see you again too Goldenflight, friend, protector and counterpart of mine…”
To Be Continued…
--------------------------------
Oooooookey… Maybe instead of lightening things up, I darkened them more *laughs nervously* ok… explanations in the next one, I swear biggrin



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Human

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Lexi's a mistress???

Cool!!! Great story!

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Loonatic

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Hm... That took me long... I'll try to update the other ones sooner...
Ok… I seriously, I have to stop listening to Within Temptation… They give me REALLY strange ideas. And I think I kinda overdid it with this one…

Disclaimer: I do not own Loonatics Unleashed or anything related

Chapter 3

Lexi growled. She felt sooo like killing someone now…
“I swear Dagger… When the whole thing ends I’m going to kill you slowly and painfully… How dare you doing so much to me and then come here after all these years to take me back! You have no shame on you, really…” she said to… well to no one, as she punched the couch’s pillow. After a talk with her dragon, she was now in the HQ living room cursing her fate… “Why now? Why not in the beginning? Why now, when I’m happy?” now her fist landed on the wall. “They aren’t going to accept this… They aren’t going to help me… I will be alone… Again” the thought made tears roll down her cheeks as another punch landed on the couch.
“Hey go easy on that one! It’s expensive!” she heard a voice behind her. Her eyes widened and she immediately whipped the tears off her face and turned around to face the rest of the gang. “How long have you been here?” she asked, fearing that they had heard her speaking. “Just arrived… We heard a certain someone punching the couch and came closer to see who was he…” Duck said “…or she” finished Ace smiling. Lexi’s face turned emotionless. She had to tell them now… Now, or go without a goodbye… She decided to start slowly. “Er… Guys, have you ever been to my room?” she suddenly asked. All the Loonatics raised an eyebrow. “Lex, what has that got to do with punching the couch?” Ace asked. Lexi rolled her eyes “just answer my question already!” “No!!!” All the Loonatics said in as-a-matter-of-fact way. “You-have-seriously-forbid-us-even-walking-close-to-your-room! I-never-understood-why… Will-you-tell us-now?” Rev asked. She sighed. “Follow me” she said before turning around and starting walking towards her room. “Er… Lex?” Ace asked. Her behavior was really strange. “What exactly is going on?” he continued. “Patience is something I thought only you had in here Ace… Guess I was wrong…” Her voice was almost cold. “Follow me and you’ll see. And you don’t have to be scared. It’s me. No evil clone or something that’ll lead you to a trap.” She said before continued walking. The other Loonatics were wise enough to follow her, but always remembering to keep their guard up.
They arrived at her room and she stepped aside for them to go in. The others looked at her in disbelief but then entered the room. They all gasped. Where they were expecting to see pink (pink YUCK) they saw white walls with golden dragons painted on them. At the centre of the ceiling, there was a skylight, which left the moonlight fall precisely on the centre of the room. “Wow-you-painted-all-these?” Rev asked, snapping out of the speechlessness. Lexi looked away embarrassed. “Err… Well… Yeah…” She said still looking away. Everyone stared at her wide-eyed. “But that’s not what I wanted to show you… What I want to show you is much more shocking. Can you please try not to freak out?” she said in a pleading tone. The others shrugged. “Sure… How much shocking can it be?” Tech said. Lexi sighed “You have no idea…” she mumbled, before taking a deep breath and walking towards the centre of the room, where, as I said earlier, the moonlight was falling. She stretched her hands in front of her. “Water” she said. A blue light ball exited her hands and floated in front of her. The others stared at her even more wide-eyed. “Fire” now a red one appeared next to the blue. “Earth” a green… “Air” a silver… Now her voice was getting weaker, and she was slightly panting. She closed her eyes to control her strength. “Elusion” now a purple one (I’m running out of colors…) “Heal” finally a golden one. The gang looked at Lexi. She seemed exhausted. Sweat was running down her face. “Unite” this word came out of her mouth like a whisper. Immediately all the light balls shined and revolved in a circle, creating a swirl of colors. Everyone in the room except Lexi was staring wide-eyed as out of the swirl, stepped a golden dragon, which bowed in front of Lexi. Silence took over the room, only to be broken by Lexi. “Goldenflight, just tell them what you want and lets get out of here…” she said. The dragon looked at her counterpart. “I won’t tell them… You will show them” she said. Lexi looked at her friends and sighed. “Guys, there are many things that only Zadavia knows about me… Now it’s time for you to learn them too…” She said. The others looked at her confused. “But why now?” Ace asked. Lexi gave her dragon a pleading look, but Goldenflight nodded a ‘no’. “Cause I’m leaving” she said. “You’re doing WHAT?????” Duck screamed. “What you heard” Suddenly the room around them disappeared, and all the Loonatics felt like falling…

End of chapter 3


*Gasp!* did she betrayed them? And *gasp* again what happened to them???

Hehe… Clifhanger…

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MagykWire

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This is yet another interesting fan-fic, but you should REALLY make paragraphs in your text, it gets really hard to read when its bunched up like that.

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Loonatic

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Yeah, like Techfan said. I was able to read it, nonetheless. It is very good. Keep writing!aww

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MagykWire

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Yeah, you can read it, but it gives you a headache reading text like that with no paragraphs.

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Loonatic

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Whoops... Sorry... biggrin I copy paste it from Microsoft Word and it gets a mess... And i am not really the patient person to start remaking
the paragraphs...


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MagykWire

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It only takes a sec, and its so worth it.

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Loonatic

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Well... I'm just me... But i'll do it next time... Promise

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MagykWire

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Ok good, because it makes it so much easier to read.

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*Gasp* I just looked at my fanfics. AND THEY ALL STAR LEXI!!! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN! Oh! And this is… Well lets just say I overdid it A LOT with this one… God save me from the bricks…

Disc,aimer: ok, ok! I don’t own the Loonatics! Don’t rub it on my face!

Chapter 4 (With paragraphs this time…)

The Loonatics were preparing for a rough landing. It never came. They landed safely on their feet.
“Where are we?” Duck asked
“What-is-this-place-Made-of?” Rev asked
“The material Is comething I have never seen again!” Tech said
“Wait a sec… Where’s Lexi?” Ace asked looking around
“And her, golden, little -well HUGE- Dragon thingy…” Duck continued
“Dragons are fairytòle creatures Duck! They don’t exist! It must have been a hologram…” Tech said
“Really? Well think again doggy!” They heard a voice behind tham
“Control yourself Goldenflight! This is all your fault! I told you it was a bad idea!” An all-too-familiar voice said behind them as well… they turned around and saw Lexi and her dragon watching them.
“Hey Lex! What’s with the outfit?” Ace raised an eyebrow. (She was wearing a brown tank top and black trousers by the way)
“Told ya it wasn’t a good idea…” she sighed
“Hey! It’s not completely my fault! You wanted to say goodbye!”
“And you and Dagger were the ones who had the stupid idea, of asking them to help us! I wouldn’t have been here if you didn’t exist!”
“Watch what you’re saying kiddo! If I didn’t exist, you wouldn’t exist either, so shut up, and explain them already!” That silenced her.
“Ehm… Anyone care to explain?” Duck asked starting to get impatient.
Lexi sighed “Right now, you are in the same room, you were five minutes ago.”
That took them by surprise. “Ok, Lex. I might be dump, but not THAT dump. We’re not in your room…” Duck said. The others nodded in agreement
“Believe it or not, you are… Well, you are in my room, in an elusion…” that time, thewalls, turned from white to golden. The ceiling became higher and windows appeared around. In some seconds, the room seemed more like a palace!
“… and in particular, in one of my memories” These words travelled with the breeze. Lexi wasn’t there anymore.
“Her memories?” Tech asked looking around. Two shadows appeared in front of them.
“Will you come tomorrow?” Asked the first one
“No… If I know my father good enough, he’ll lock me in…” the second voice was oddly familiar.
“Do you want me to distract the guards?” the first one asked again
“No… I can do it myself. Now GO!” the first shadow nodded and ran away. The second one, raised its hand and whispered “air”. Wind blew where her hand was pointing, making some stones to move. The two guards ran immediately towards and direction it was heard. The shadow moved slowly and finally, the Loonatics were able to see who was she. They all gasped. Before them, was standing a 15 year old Lexi! She walked quietly through halls, with the eyes of her teammates following her. Suddenly, they saw her stop, and step back a little. Before her was a brown rabbit with a crown on his head.
“I see little traitor! Out with the rebels again, weren’t you?” he slapped her, making her fall on the floor.
“You little brat! You dare face me after all these things you have done!”
“Father, I swear! I would never-”
“You dare talk to me? Lie to me?” He stretched his hand and grabbed a little golden dragon nearby, by the neck. Lexi gasped, as her father squeezed the dragon’s neck, and her hands went straight to her neck, like she wanted to stop someone from choking her.
“Stop… please…”
“Your behavior doesn’t fit to a princess. And if you can’t be a proper princess, you will be a dead one!”
The Loonatics were staring wide eyed. Suddenly, a sword whth blue blade ^ipped the air. And if the king hadn’t moved his hand, leaving the dragon and the girl breath, it would be definitely cut.
“You touch her one more time, and I don’t care if you’re my dather, but you’ll look death straight in the eyes!” a rabbit with blue eyes said with gritted teeth.
“My son… my heir…” the king murmured before turning around and leaving the room. The rabbit rushed towards Lexi.
“Sis… you ok?” he shokk her
“No i’m not ok!” her voice was weak and yet angry. “My own father tried to kill me! Am I supposed to be ok?” the Loonatics saw tears rolling down her cheeks.
“You should leave…”
“And go where? To the rebels? Without access to the palace, I’m completely useless to them!”
“Are you insane? You possess the powers of the elements plus elusion and healing, and you’re telling me that you’ll be useless to them?” blue eyed rabbit exclaimed
“My powers aren’t complete yet! Look at Goldenflight!”
“But that’s what I’m doing Lex! Look!” the young Lexi and the others followed his eyes, only to see that the little golden dragon wasn’t so little anymore…
“She transformed? But how?” said a very surprised Lexi
“Is that what we should care about now? Go!” Lexi nodded, before running out of the palace. And then the pictures faded away, bringing the Loonatics back to reality.
They all glanced at Lexi. “You possess the powers of the elements!” Tech almost yelled. “And you hadn’t told us a thing?” that was Ace. Lexi’s head dropped.
“I… I’m sorry…”
“You better start explaining, missy…” Duck said.
Lexi sighed “I was born in another dimension, in the royal family. There, every member of the king’s family, has a dragon-counterpart.” She stopped to look at her teammates.
“Yeah, yeah… Enough with the fairytale Lex, now the truth…” Ace said
“This IS the truth Ace! What do you think you just saw? A part from a movie? I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. If it’s a fairytale, explain the golden dragon, standing right in front of you!”
That made him stop talking
“Everything was ok, until too much power drove my father mad, and made him think that he had to destroy the place, just to build a new one, full of glory. That made some people decide to fight against him. And I decided to join them… betraying my family. And betrayal is punished with exile…” she clenched her fists
“They caught me, opened a portal, and threw me into your world, without anything. Just like that. Obviously, they thought that without my dragon, my death was a matter of time. Guess they were wrong…” she finished
“And what about the ‘having the stupid idea of asking them to help us’ thing?” Tech asked crossing his arms. He would accept the whole thing, only if he saw it with his own eyes.
“I’m going back… Things had calmed down for a bit, thanks to my brother, so they didn’t need my help. But now, he started again acting insane. They need all the help they can get…” her dragon stopped her, only to continue herself
“… and her help is more valuable than you can imagine. Elemental powers heal and elusion, plus her new powers give as great advantage. But… I just happen to feel some sadness in her. So I thought… maybe… you could come with her. Just until the final battle. It won’t be long until our fates will be judged…” she said
“They won’t come! I told you before! Even they want to, I won’t let them Gold! Do you have an idea what could happen to them? What almost happened to us?”
Goldenflight nodded “I had to ask. I hate seeing you, feeling you suffer, without doing a thing!”
“I prefer that kind of suffering Gold!” Lexi said softly. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Duck.
“Lex, we understand. At least I understand. I’ll come with you whatever you say…”
“Me too. I never lose the chance to visit new places…” Tech said
“I’m-in!” (You see the dash; I’m not going to say who said it…)
Everybody turned to Ace. He smiled
“We’re a team. You take one, you take us all… Remember?” he said
“Guys…” she started, but was cut by Goldenflight.
“I’m coming to get you tomorrow morning. May the Elements be with you.” She said
Lexi smiled at her. “Thank you… And cut out the ‘official’ look. It’s not our style…” she sniffled. The dragon nodded. “Vanish” she whispered and the dragon was gone with a breeze. Lexi turned to the others and smiled
“Thank you… And Tech, don’t worry, you will believe…”
After that they all said goodnight and headed to their quarters…
… for the last time, that month


End of chapter 4

*stares at fanfic* Errr… Did I just write this…?
*Looks around* FLAME ME! I deserve it!
On the other hand, if you don’t want to flame me, you can always find me a name for the blue-eyed rabbit… and his father. Please? I’m running out of names… (And with that, write me what you think of coursebiggrin)



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Loonatic

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Is this one better?

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Human

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AWSOME!!!!!! I love it!!!! Keep it up!

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Loonatic

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So... You're not gonna brick me? Yay!

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An Ace that is without a soul

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I AM SO, SO SORRY I HAVEN'T REVIEWED YET!!!!This story is amazing!!!A bit of a rushed feeling to it, yes, but still, I love it!Element controlling has always been a love of mine.
Souless:Then why don't you like Avatar???
Me:BECAUSE I DON'T!!!!!

And yes, much easier to read, thank-you.I like how all of Lex's teammates all joined in.Their lines were very friendshippy(my new word!!!BACK OFF WORD VULTURES!!!!)and touching!!You know, I was just guessing taht strangling the dragon would strangle Lexi, and look!I was right!!!
Souless:Hoo-rah
Me:Ehhh shut up!

I'm am HIGHLY anticipating the next chapter.Update quickly!!!
p.s.Is this going on fanfiction.com?

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... o/


An Ace that is without a soul

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Oh!BTW:

For her father, how about Sebastien?Or Norman?
And for the brother.What about Ron?Or Scath?
Souless:Ooooh Scath!
Me:Oooooooooh creepy!!!

xDD

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... o/


I blamed it on the dog...

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WOW! I Can't Belive I havent read this sooner! continue Soon Pleas!!!

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I Blamed It On The Dog

Ace: My heart is yours. Now and forever

Lexi: As my heart belongs to you. 

*LOVE*

Ace: I'm more of the flying by the seat of my pants guy
Lexi:There something I'd like to do to the seat of your pants
_________

 

 



Loonatic

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Sorry, guys but i'll put the story on hold.
I'll rewrite it because i hate the way it's written.

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Anthros

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i like it the way it is it's really gd.

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Your local cat

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Well I still think the paragraphs need to be spaced out more. The rule is to do paragraphs when there's a change in time, place, subject, or when someone is speaking. I'll take yours as an example.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Loonatics were preparing for a rough landing. It never came. They landed safely on their feet.
 
“Where are we?” Duck asked

“What-is-this-place-Made-of?” Rev asked

“The material Is comething I have never seen again!” Tech said

“Wait a sec… Where’s Lexi?” Ace asked looking around

“And her, golden, little -well HUGE- Dragon thingy…” Duck continued

“Dragons are fairytòle creatures Duck! They don’t exist! It must have been a hologram…” Tech said

“Really? Well think again doggy!” They heard a voice behind them.

“Control yourself Goldenflight! This is all your fault! I told you it was a bad idea!” An all-too-familiar voice said behind them as well.

They turned around and saw Lexi and her dragon watching them.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, it's unneccessary to use these bracket things you used like:

“Hey Lex! What’s with the outfit?” Ace raised an eyebrow. (She was wearing a brown tank top and black trousers by the way)

Just describe them like you're still telling them the story. By inserting those brackets, it looks as though it was a last minute thing you forgot to put in, but didn't bother to do it properly. It also feels like you've inserted yourself in the story which confuses readers like this.

“I’m-in!” (You see the dash; I’m not going to say who said it…)

Everybody turned to Ace. He smiled.

If you did just left out the bracket, it would look more professional, plus it leaves readers at more of a suspense than if you include the brackets, even if the answer comes as soon as you've set that clue.

Other than that, I like the concept. Just heed these words of advice and I hope to see the improvement in the next chapter when you have the time to do it.


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Loonatic

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Akira_Cat wrote:

Well I still think the paragraphs need to be spaced out more. The rule is to do paragraphs when there's a change in time, place, subject, or when someone is speaking. I'll take yours as an example.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Loonatics were preparing for a rough landing. It never came. They landed safely on their feet.

“Where are we?” Duck asked

“What-is-this-place-Made-of?” Rev asked

“The material Is comething I have never seen again!” Tech said

“Wait a sec… Where’s Lexi?” Ace asked looking around

“And her, golden, little -well HUGE- Dragon thingy…” Duck continued

“Dragons are fairytòle creatures Duck! They don’t exist! It must have been a hologram…” Tech said

“Really? Well think again doggy!” They heard a voice behind them.

“Control yourself Goldenflight! This is all your fault! I told you it was a bad idea!” An all-too-familiar voice said behind them as well.

They turned around and saw Lexi and her dragon watching them.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, it's unneccessary to use these bracket things you used like:

“Hey Lex! What’s with the outfit?” Ace raised an eyebrow. (She was wearing a brown tank top and black trousers by the way)

Just describe them like you're still telling them the story. By inserting those brackets, it looks as though it was a last minute thing you forgot to put in, but didn't bother to do it properly. It also feels like you've inserted yourself in the story which confuses readers like this.

“I’m-in!” (You see the dash; I’m not going to say who said it…)

Everybody turned to Ace. He smiled.

If you did just left out the bracket, it would look more professional, plus it leaves readers at more of a suspense than if you include the brackets, even if the answer comes as soon as you've set that clue.

Other than that, I like the concept. Just heed these words of advice and I hope to see the improvement in the next chapter when you have the time to do it.



Errr actually... i'm going to rewrite it all because i hate the way it's written... So the next chapter is going to be the first... again...
Thanks for the advice anyway... even though i like to believe that my writing has been improoved since THAT was written.aww

 



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ChesterBennington.jpg<----- LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!

 

My heart beats for LP <3 (and another thousand bands -_-;)

Ehm... I've been thinking and... ehm... Nevermind...



I blamed it on the dog...

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so????
When are you going to rewrite it?

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I Blamed It On The Dog

Ace: My heart is yours. Now and forever

Lexi: As my heart belongs to you. 

*LOVE*

Ace: I'm more of the flying by the seat of my pants guy
Lexi:There something I'd like to do to the seat of your pants
_________

 

 



Loonatic

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No idea... I'm putting all my strength in LAFOOW now...

__________________

ChesterBennington.jpg<----- LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!

 

My heart beats for LP <3 (and another thousand bands -_-;)

Ehm... I've been thinking and... ehm... Nevermind...

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