Tech: No Serenity!

Duck: Please!

Rev: Anything-but-that!!!!!!

Lexi: I don’t think it’s that bad.

Me: You tell em Lexi.

Slam:  Ragradoogerly!

Ace: Slam’s right. This is too girly.

Me: Oh come on, Cinderella ain’t that bad.

Rev: But-it’s-sooooooo-corny!

Me: Shut your mouths, beaks, and bills. I’ve got the cast and script already for you guys. Oh, by the way, we have a guest star in this one.

Ace: Who would that be?

Suddenly a tiny purple cat like creature walks into the studio wearing a blue wizard outfit and hat and caring Starbucks.

Mambo: Sorry I’m late.

Rev perks up: Hey!-It’s-the-little-guy-from-“Happily-Never-After”!

Tech: You actually watched that movie?

Rev: Yeah!-So?!-I-thought-it-was-cute!

Me: Note to the readers. If you’ve seen “Happily Never After” I am obsessed with smug little Mambo and this was the perfect excuse to star him in one of my plays. ^_^

Tech: Uh, Serenity? Who are you talking to?

Me: Uh, nobody…Anyways, here’s the cast. Lexi is Cinderella, Ace is the prince(like we didn’t see that pair coming) Tech is the Stepmom, Rev and Duck are the stepsisters, Slam is the Duke, and Mambo is playing as himself. Okay people let’s move move move move!!!!!!

Me: Okay, and ACTION!!!!

Curtain comes up and Lexi is seen wearing a rugged dress and scrubbing the floor. Duck and Rev come on. Duck is wearing a frilly yellow and pink dress and Rev……is dressed in a Japanese kimono.

Me: …………I’m not even going to ask…….

Lexi is being over dramatic again: Oh woe is me! Having such a pretty face yet scrubbing and cleaning into the night! Boohoo!

Duck glares at her in annoyance. He turns to Rev.

Duck: You know I thought I would hate the part as the stepsister but this might come to some use.

Rev: Whadya-mean?

Duck walks over to Lexi and quickly dunks her head in the water bucket.

Lexi gasps for breath and looks at me

Lexi: Was that in the script?!

Me sipping from my own Starbucks: No. But the fans at LUO are probably laughing their heads off right now so we’ll go with it.

Tech enters wearing an old ladies gown and a messy grey granny wig.

Tech: This just dropped my fan girls by like half…

Me: I still love you Rev and Tech!

Rev looks at Tech: As-soon-as-the-shows-done-we-go-into-hiding…..

Tech nods: Wise. Very wise.

Tech starts his lines. He uses his best ladies voice: Cinderella! You’re not done yet?!

Lexi is about to say her line when she busts up laughing at Tech.

Duck smacks his forehead: Here we go again…

Rev suddenly falls to the ground laughing and then Duck can’t help but join in. Tech’s eye is twitching.

I shake my head and speak into a walkie talkie: Okay, Slam’s up.

A knock sounds at the door. Tech hastily answers to get on with the scene. The others stop their giggle fits.

Slam is in a red and blue uniform and hands Tech four envelopes. He speaks very formally and elegantly.

Slam: Feeragblah drabada geruda…

He bows and leaves. Everyone raises their eyebrows.

Duck: That wasn’t Slam…he must have hired a stunts person to be that elegant.

Lexi: Formal is not a stunt.

Duck: It is for Slam.

Tech: Anyways, they’re invitations to tonight’s royal ball. All maidens are invited.

Rev in an extremely girly cheerleader type voice: Like-oh-my-god-no-way!-I-like-sooo-need-to-go-and-make-myself- look-fabulous!

Highschool Musical “Fabulous” music randomly comes on.

Me: Mambo! Turn that off!

Mambo throws the boom box away with a smug on his face: Sorry. Couldn’t help myself….

Lexi to Rev: Was that supposed to be an imitation of me or are you just—

Rev: Nah,-I-was-making-fun-of-ya…

The next scene Lexi is still scrubbing. Tech comes down stairs in a hard to walk in dress, Duck is wearing a ridiculously puffy purple dress, and Rev is wearing……not again….

Me: Rev! What’s with you getting your wardrobe wrong?

Rev is dressed as Little Bo Peep. Bonnet, Sheppard cane and the lot. Rev crosses his arms: Don’t-ask-me?-I’m-not-picking-out-the-costumes.

Tech hurries the scene along before I unleash my director’s furry.

Tech: Cinderella, I expect this place to be spotless by the time we get back.

The three of them leave. Lexi cries dramatically with her face in her hands.

Lexi: Boohoo! I am so miserable! I wish I could go to the ball too! Boohoohoo!

Mambo jumps out of nowhere: You know what, I’ve seen some really corny actors but this one takes the cake.

Lexi jumps ten feet in the air in surprise. She looks Mambo up and down: What are you, some cat-koala cross or something?

Mambo defensively: I am a…………………………..actually I really don’t know what I am... ...but all I know is that I’m serving as your fairy god granny.

Lexi: Where’s the real one?

Mambo: Cuba. She needs a vacation after doing a part in Pinocchio.

Lexi: Okay so what do you do, grant wishes or something?

Mambo waves a stick around: Yeah as soon as I can get this stupid wand working…

A sudden beam of light shoots out of the wand at Lexi, putting her to sleep. Mambo rubbes his temples in frustration.

Mambo: Somebody get her a double espresso. Please. And get me a triple….

Mambo waves the wand at Lexi, turning her into frog. He tries it again. She turns into a bird. He tries it again. She turns into a slice of cake. Slam smells the cake from offset and runs to eat it. Mambo gets in front of him.

Mambo: NO! Slam! The cake is a lie!!!!

I take out a beef jerky strip from my purse and through it in the opposite direction: Go get the jerky Slam! Go get the jerky!

Slam pants like a dog and runs after it. Mambo tries one more time and Lexi is a Bunny again.

Lexi: Wait, wasn’t I eating cake a minute ago.

Mambo: You were dreaming…

Lexi starts to cry: You mean… the cake was a lie?.....

Mambo: Oh for Pete’s sake! Here’s your gown! Here’s your pumpkin! Here’s your stupid glass Hushpuppies! Now get to the ball before I turn your feet into those cheep lucky-rabbit-foot keychains you buy at Knott’s Berry Farm giftshops! Don’t stay there past midnight! Get going!

Lexi hurries into the pumpkin carriage as it takes off. Mambo faces me.

Mambo: Why are you using these guys? They’re terrible actors!

I hide a bag of money behind my director’s seat: No reason. I just think they’re funny…

Lexi arrives at the ball. Ace is sitting in an over exaggerated throne that is tall enough to touch the ceiling. Duck and Rev walk up to him and make girly curtsies. Ace tries to hide a sniker behind his hand but breaks out laughing his ears off.

Duck: Laugh all you want. It takes a real man to come out in public and wear a dress.

Ace between laughs: Yeah, a man that’s dating a Backstreet Boy! Hahahahahah!!!

Mambo is writing this down off set and taking pictures: This is gold…..

Ace finally stops laughing when Rev whacks him on the head with his Sheppard’s cane.

Ace: Thanks Rev, I needed that. Okay down to business.

Ace takes a quick peek at his script: Um….. You two girls are the ugliest things I have ever seen. Be gone.

Duck snickers: You still sound like a robot when you do your lines….

Ace: I said BE GONE!!!!

Duck and Rev take off. Lexi comes in wearing a flowing pink and white gown. Ace eyes her as she strides into the ball room and ignores the fact she just tripped on her own skirt and landed flat on her face. Lexi quickly gets back up trying to keep what little dignity she has left. Ace walks over to her, bows elegantly, and the two start dancing around. Suddenly the waltz music stops and “Thriller ” comes on.

I look at my script as everyone is doing Michael Jackson moves dance moves.

Me: Okay! Who changed the music?!

Mambo is on the catwalk above the set  dancing to the music coming out of his boombox.

Me: Next scene NOW!!!!

Curtains close.

Next scene Lexi and Ace are sitting close together in the garden. Ace is moving in for the kiss when the clock strikes midnight.

Lexi: Oops! It’s midnight! Gotta go! Oh by the way I don’t have a piece of paper to right my phone number on so I’ll just give you my glass slipper. Bye!

Lexi takes off. I give Ace a thumbs up.

Me: Nice acting Ace.

Ace: That was acting?.........

Duck is singing: Lexi and Ace sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Ace gets up and starts chasing after Duck, zapping him in the butt with his laser vision.

Duck: Hey! OW! Don’t take it so personal! OUCH!!!

Next day Slam arrives at Cinderella’s house with the glass slipper. He tries the slipper on Duck.

Duck: OW! Get it off! My feet are webbed, why would I want to wear skinny high heels?

Slam tries it on Rev, who is dressed like Heidi. Slam takes off the wooden clogs and tries to put the glass one on. It won’t fit.

Rev: Uh-three-toed-bird’s-feet.-Hello!

Slam irritated: Raaaary….

Slam tries it on Tech. It fits perfectly. We all stare blankly at Tech.

Tech: Uh…..ooch! Ouch! That smarts! It’s too tight! It does not fit me!

Slam moves onto Lexi. It fits.

Lexi: Oh yeah! Alright! I get to marry Ace! Iget to marry Ace! Nenenene! Nenenene! In you’re face! Woohwooh!

Next scene Ace and Lexi drive away from their wedding.

Curtains close.

Me: Great job! Let’s have a curtain call! Lexi and Ace get out here for your fans!

There’s a long pause….

Me: Where’s Lexi and Ace?

Mambo walks by going through some photos he just took.

Mambo: They’re still in the carriage. I just got some pictures of them. Man this material is going straight to Peoples magazine!
Me: Okay….has anyone seen Tech or Rev?

Tech and Rev are at the airport.

Rev: I’m-telling-ya-Tech-she’ll-never-think-to-look-for-us-in- Holland….

The end!