Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Back to LUO -> Loonatics Unleashed Online message boards -> Thoughts -> Help! I have a bland heroine!
Post Info TOPIC: Help! I have a bland heroine!
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Help! I have a bland heroine!
Permalink   

I have a serious problom with my story series.

I have a character named Jordan Celt who is the love interest of my leading man Jim Buckwheat

In the first story I ever wrote about these characters. Jordan is an impossibly beautiful, insanly popular girl who is the object of the hopeless romantic Jim's affections.

What Jim fails to relize that under that Jordan's impossibly beautiful exterior is an ice cold heart that can never love (I explain that her family is under a melenia long curse that makes them beautiful but unable to love anyone)

Jordan is abducted by the villianous bettas (an evil alien race, think Irkins from Invader Zim) and is chosen by the spirit of the dis-embodied queen to be a host and new body for her

Long story short Jim's selfliss and unconditional love melts the ice around Jordan's heart and not only gives her the ability to love him in retern but to relize fully how cruel and selfish she has been all her life.

She relizes that to distroy the Alien Queen living inside her she must die. She commands Jim to kill her and he dose but than bring's her back to life with a magic kiss (I know I watch too many Disney movies)

Now Jordan's joined Jim's super hero team and now the real trouble begins

Jordan is now selfless, polite, noble, prim and proper and horribly horribly boring!

Jim is much more exciting than her for he is wacky, offbeat and a tiny bit of a dork but she is extremly dull by comparison


I ask my fellow writers what can/should I do to spice up Jordan's character a bit 

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
Dragon Wing


Gone

Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Date:
Permalink   

Make her have a drug problem that contributes to the illegal and evil operations of dealers.

__________________
Akira_Cat


Your local cat

Status: Offline
Posts: 3505
Date:
Permalink   

Make her scared and worried that something that would happen again and make her more concerned for people.

__________________


Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

That sounds like a good idea

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
LeiaRules


Beast

Status: Offline
Posts: 116
Date:
Permalink   

*nods*Sorry I uh misread the titel hehe...

__________________
-It's Cool To be a Duckie-
duckieharembannervf8.jpg
-Vitani the lioness with an additude we can all trust!
vitani.jpgmybanner48714cb0de497vg5.png

-Terra,she's way cool!

terra.bmp

“Beastboy, you were the best friend I ever had.”

-Aftershock pt.2
Siamese712


I blamed it on the dog...

Status: Offline
Posts: 2975
Date:
Permalink   

you could jest give her a good old fashen 'charicter flaw'.

Like she still can be a little self sentered at times or she's a bit clumbsy.


__________________

Vote For The Most Loved Loonatics of 2009!

You MUST look at www.activeboard.com/forum.sparkpleas

I Blamed It On The Dog

Ace: My heart is yours. Now and forever
Lexi: As my heart belongs to you. 

*LOVE*

Ace: I'm more of the flying by the seat of my pants guy
Lexi:There something I'd like to do to the seat of your pants
_________

 

 
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

Any other ideas?

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
XtreamCrazy


BUT MY CHEESE WILL GET COLD. D8

Status: Offline
Posts: 9661
Date:
Permalink   

Maybe give her a really, annoying bad habit... Like she taps hard surfaces or she... I dunno, I can't think of any annoying bad habits right nao. XD

__________________


Andrea: ....I think my kidney laughed.
Sye: Your bladder told it to stop. 83
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

I could make her stereotypicaly British.

I have to go to British things like drink cups of tea and eat bangers and mash

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
XtreamCrazy


BUT MY CHEESE WILL GET COLD. D8

Status: Offline
Posts: 9661
Date:
Permalink   

Duuuuuuuuuuude... Tea and scooooones. \8D/

__________________


Andrea: ....I think my kidney laughed.
Sye: Your bladder told it to stop. 83
Bandkanon


Amazing

Status: Offline
Posts: 2261
Date:
Permalink   

Could also make her a schitzo-freak... Like, starts talking to herself/chewing on her thumb-nail/giggling diabollically at very small things...
Do it! 8D EEEeee!

__________________

And now for a shameless plug:

theryl-banner.gif

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO'S STUCK WITH ME WHENIWHIP MY MEAT OUT
TRAPPED IN A ROOM WHENISTART TO BEAT IT. \8D/

...ily, Emily. 83

Waffle: +Sleeps+
X4get~the~worldX


MagykWire

Status: Offline
Posts: 5505
Date:
Permalink   

well try making her past a little more cheerful, like is there anymore girls on jim's superhero team? if s o, let them take her shopping or somthing :D i think friends usually help make the character a little more interesting , just my opinion

__________________

that__s_how_this_world_spins_by_NeVeR_4get.jpg

Seth. Asking for sex at the worst moments imaginable. ~ Emily

Wile E. Coyote was anvil'd, crushed, catapolted, ignited on fire, blown up, runned over, and sent sailing across the desert to God knows where. But he never stopped trying.
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

I have two others girls on the team, trouble is their both tomboys not into girl stuff 

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
X4get~the~worldX


MagykWire

Status: Offline
Posts: 5505
Date:
Permalink   

Mistress of Fear wrote:

I have two others girls on the team, trouble is their both tomboys not into girl stuff 



well, have u thought of having a girly girl character in the story? if not, maybe try getting deeper into her past, make her past real interestin' :)



__________________

that__s_how_this_world_spins_by_NeVeR_4get.jpg

Seth. Asking for sex at the worst moments imaginable. ~ Emily

Wile E. Coyote was anvil'd, crushed, catapolted, ignited on fire, blown up, runned over, and sent sailing across the desert to God knows where. But he never stopped trying.
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

I have thought of writing a part of the story where Death himself comes for Jordan in becuase she has to pay for her ancestor's sin

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
Twilightgirl


Anthros

Status: Offline
Posts: 204
Date:
Permalink   

How about giving her a fear that people can relate to, like she could hate insects or is scared of heights or doesn't like mirrors as she has to look at herself and remembers what she was like before.

__________________
Stars in your eyes little one,
Where you go to dream
of a place we all know,
The Land of Make-Believe
techarmybannerkl5.jpg
daceti1.jpg
The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
akiramodbannerms5.jpg
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

Interesting you should mention fear of heights becuase Jim has a fear of heights (which is kind of embaressing becuase he's been gene spliced with a squirrel)But Jordan is huanted by her past which is one of the reasons she comes off as 'too noble'

Thank you everyone for your suggestions but I think I have an idea why Jordan comes off as bland is becuase there is nothing humorous about her.

Compared to the other female characters of the team Jordan isn't funny at all

Matoaka Redfeather is an over the top parody of a radical femminist slapping would-be lovers who won't take no for an answer and saying things that offend her male team mates

Minsk Flemmingcoff is also a Xena type but also has a romantic side and is in a humorous love/hate relationship with The Prowler a notorious cat burgaler whom she adores but he finds her horribly annoying.

Jordan dosen't have anything humorous about her at all

-- Edited by Mistress of Fear at 21:56, 2008-08-10

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
XtreamCrazy


BUT MY CHEESE WILL GET COLD. D8

Status: Offline
Posts: 9661
Date:
Permalink   

Well that just means she balances out the group! \8D/

__________________


Andrea: ....I think my kidney laughed.
Sye: Your bladder told it to stop. 83
Mistress of Fear


Martian

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Permalink   

Ooh Ooh! I just thought of the perfect way to make her more funny!

Jordan assumes becuase she's blond, blue eyed and rich enough to buy all the sexy clothes she assumes she's the hottest female  on the show despite the fact Matoaka and Minsk are clearly the ones who do all the fanservice 

__________________

[img] http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/6876/revviearmytj0.png [/img ]



The_Ripie_Army_by_Siamese712.jpg
Bandkanon


Amazing

Status: Offline
Posts: 2261
Date:
Permalink   

...I still want her to have random bouts of insanity. '^'

__________________

And now for a shameless plug:

theryl-banner.gif

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO'S STUCK WITH ME WHENIWHIP MY MEAT OUT
TRAPPED IN A ROOM WHENISTART TO BEAT IT. \8D/

...ily, Emily. 83

Waffle: +Sleeps+
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Back to LUO -> Loonatics Unleashed Online message boards -> Thoughts -> Help! I have a bland heroine!
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard