Most of you suggested that "Escape From Planet Blanc" should be my first LU fanfic here, well here it is!
This took place after "Search For The Royal Tweetums"
Enjoy!
Escape From Planet Blanc: Chapter 1
After that horrific last battle with Ropes and Deuce, the Loonatics have had settled on Planet Blanc as their new head-quarters, if they can finish getting their stuff out of the ship. "Oh man,this heavy!" Ace complained to Lexi as he carries a heavy box, "What ya in there,Lexi!? Bricks?" "I've alraedy carried enough of my stuff, Ace" Lexi said to her leader, "Give me a break." At the same moment, Rev laid himself down on one the boxes breathing in and out, "I-can't-feel-my-arms-and-even-my-ultra-sonic-speed-can't-help-me-left-this!" , he said.
"Speaking of louage, where's all your 'precious' lab gear and gadgets, Tech?" Duck asked Tech, "Right here", Tech answered as he pulls out a small box. Duck looked all puzzeled, "A box? That's all you brought with you?" he asked, "No, this my new Travel-vaccum box. It stores even the biggest and heaviest of objects" Tech explained. He pressed a small button on the side the box that says "Reverus" and all of Tech's lab equipment came out all in one piece. "If you made you for yourself, why didn't you MADE MORE FOR EACH OF US!?!?!!!!" Duck shouted in Tech's face, "This one still needs testing, before I can make more" Tech said back.
At that moment Tweetums walked in, "The day just keep getting better", Duck thought to himself sarcasticly, "Okay pee-wee, where's the bell-hops to left our stuff into your castle and our new rooms?" he said to Tweetums. "Sowwy, I have no bell-hops" Tweetums said as he shook his head.
All the Loonatics looked at Tweetums with "Wt-" faces on them, "Okay, then where are there any louage carts here?" Ace asked, "Nope, no cawts" Tweetums shook his head again. "You mean we have to carry ALL of your stuff in there!?" Duck complamed in a whinney voice, "Yes, now if you excuse me, I'll the table woom" Tweetums said he turned and walked back in the castle.
Tech re-packed his lab equipment back in his box by pressing the button that said "Vaccum" to suck them up and store his pocket, and Slam carried all his stuff by using one finger. All the rest of the Loonatics mouned had start carring their stuff (again).
After the Loonatics got their stuff to their new rooms, they all came to the hall talking to each other about how they feel about their new H.Q. so far.
"I can't believe I'd had carry all of my things up the stairs" Ace groaned as rubbed his shoulder, "Don't forget to mention that the elevator was broken" Duck added. "If-you-think-guys-had-it-rough-this-place-is-like-giant-labyrinth-and-every-time-I-try-to-any-closer-to-the-other-halls-or-find-my-room-I-keep-running-into-the-walls-or-go-in-circles" Rev said as he explained how he found his room, "Called that rough?" Tech to his roadrunner friend, "when I tried pull out the bed from the walls, it almost trapped me!" "Mothes flew out when I opened my closet!" Lexi complained, "Me found dead rat bones in my room" Slam said to everyone.
"Okay, so things aren't toin' out the way it is" Ace said to his crew, "but all foist days aren't always the best, so there's always a better day tomorrow, mabey we loin to like this place." "No! You're gonna make the biggesth misthtake of your livthes!" a voice called out from the hall, it was Sylth Vester all handcuffed and being carried away by two of Tweetums' Egg-bots.
"I'm telling you, pack-up and get off of thisth planet as fastht you can", he continued. "Why should we trust anyways, furball?" Duck said to Sylth, "we trusted you once and you betray us like the two-face villian you are!" "Thisth time I'm seriousth!" Sylth argued, "Onceth Tweetumsth got you in the palm of histh hand you're all doomed for all you know it, and you'll never sthee life again."
Tweetums walked in at the moment, "I have pwepared a woyal feast for you six down stairs" he said to the Loonatics, "And as for you," he continued to talked to Sylth, "take him away, to the cells." "Let's just hope the food's better then this day" Lexi said the boys, "Ditto, on that one" Duck said back.
As the Loonatics left the hall, Tweetums and Sylth were all alone.
"Leave them alone, Tweetumsth!" Sylth said angerly to the yellow canarey, "I won't let you make them go through like what you did to all your other 'visitors' and eveyone elsthe on Planet Blanc!"
"Who cares putty tat,they'll never twust you anyways" Tweetums said to Sylth.
"You're gonna regret thisth! Onceth they disthcover your plan and set me free, you'll be finished onceth and all for what you did!" Sylth yelled.
The Egg-bots moved and took Sylth to the cells.
"Don't wowwy,putty tat. I'll make sure your 'fwiends' are in good hands" Tweetums said back to Sylth, "Weal good hands", he said with an evil grin on his face.......
Pretty good start! Aside from spelling errors, I like it! Keep going! ^.^
__________________
I believe in Jesus Christ as my Saviour
Lucky: Why can't you Toons just enter a room normaly?! Bonkers: Us Toons don't do normaly things! That's what makes us sooo adorable! X3 Lucky: Yeah, like a trainwreck. -__________-
Cassidy and Dusk: Freaky siamese twins seperated at birth.... ~ Andrea
Many thanks to HCoyote for the awesome avatar! I love it! <3
Danni- Official supporter of Tessidy, Sethidy, Cassless, Duri, Seck, Ricy, Dapphire, Calric, and Cassaghu 83 And Maley D. Because it's wrong. \8D/
Well like Cassidy said, you need to improve your spelling. Plus you need to put paragraphs when you're either changing the subject, time, place, or when a character is speaking. Here's and example:
As the Loonatics left the hall, Tweetums and Sylth were all alone.
"Leave them alone, Tweetumsth!" Sylth said angerly to the yellow canarey. "I won't let you make them go through like what you did to all your other 'visitors' and eveyone else on Planet Blanc!"
"Who cares putty, they'll never twust you anyways" Tweetums said to Sylth.
"You're gonna regret thisth! Onceth they disthcover your plan and set me free, you'll be finished onceth and all for what you did!" Sylth yelled.
The Egg-bots moved and took Sylth to the chamber cells.
"Don't wowwy,putty. I'll make sure your 'fwiends' are in good hands" Tweetums said back to Sylth, "Weal good hands", he said with an evil grin on his face.......
In the dining room, the Loonatics sat the table with their food served on silver platter with lids on them. The Loonatics took the lids off to find what Tweetums is serving them.
The food was all mashed up, purple, bubbly, and had eyeballs and tentcles sticking out.
"Okay....You ordered the roadkilled sushi?" Ace asked with a grossed-out face.
Rev looked the nasty grub and poke one of the eyes, the eye blinked!
Rev jumped out his seat a bit, "I-think-the-grub's-alive!" he freaked.
Tech smelled his grub.
"Yuck! It smells like low tide and a gym bag" he said while holding his nose.
Tweetums walked in to see if the Lonnatics are enjoying it. Duck turned to him and complained, "Okay before I eat this, tell us what is this slop your feeding us?", he picked up some of the grub with fork and watch ooze down back to the plate.
"That is Wanc Octopa-chowder" Tweetums said to the Loonatics, "It's made with moldy chiwwi, octopus, and expired gwape jelly."
"Can you at least ask the chief to serve us something better" Lexi asked, "like pizza or mabey dessert?"
"No, chife's on vaccation" Tweetums said to Lexi, "you're gonna have to eat it."
Ace, Duck, Tech, Rev, and Lexi looked at the Octop-chowder again and stated to fib to Tweetums.
"I already have supper" Ace said first, "I'm full" Duck said next, "I'm a vegitarian" said Tech, "I'm-allergic-to-octopi" Rev said as he moved his plate away, "I'm on a diet" Lexi said lastly.
Tweetums looked at the cloack right by the left side of room, "I wuv to stick awound but it's time for me to go to sweep", he said to the Loonatics and turned around to go to his bedroom.
The Loonatics were relieved that their fibs worked so they wouldn't have to eat the gross chowder.
Slam was slurping the rest chowder off of his plate, "Are you gonna finish yours?" he asked the rest the gang.
Hours later, the Loonatics were all in their pajammas asleep dreaming that things would be better tomarrow, but little did our beloved heroes know, things will be getting even worse soon.
A tiny, shadowy cloaked figure walked down the hallways and into different rooms, until it entered an abanded lab and started typing in some numbers on the computer's keyboard.
The computer screen flicked on and an image of an ugly alien appeared.
The alien was short, had green skin with purple spots, fat lips, pointy ears, yellow and red eyes, and wearing a maroon business suit and a blue tie around his fat neck.
"Did you brung the Loonatics here?" Swackhammer inquired.
"Yes, master" the figure said back, "they're all in bed."
"Excellent!" Swackhammer smirked, "and you what to do tomorrow, my agent?" he asked the figure.
"Yes, master", the figure nodded
"Tomowwow moring, the Woonatics will be no more and you will take over all of the pwanets, incwuding their howm pwanet,Acmetwpolise!" he said to his boss.
First of all, you have improved on your paragraphing. However, you still haven't grasped the rule as you have done a paragraph like this:
Rev looked the nasty grub and poke one of the eyes, the eye blinked! Rev jumped out his seat a bit, "I-think-the-grub's-alive!" he freaked. Tech smelled his grub, "Yuck! It smells like low tide and a gym bag" he said while holding his nose.
What you should have done is this:
Rev looked the nasty grub and poke one of the eyes, the eye blinked! Rev jumped out his seat a bit.
"I-think-the-grub's-alive!" he freaked.
Tech smelled his grub.
"Yuck! It smells like low tide and a gym bag" he said while holding his nose.
Second of all, you've managed to grasp the reader's attention, only to ruin it by giving away the identity characters and what's going to happen. This is the best example of what I'm saying:
The alien was short, had green skin with purple spots, fat lips, pointy ears, yellow and red eyes, and wearing a maroon business suit with a blue neck tie. It was Swackhammer the 56th (the descendant of the evil Swackhammer the 1st from "Space Jam" )!!!!
"Did you bright the Loonatics here?" Swackhammer asked the figure, "Yes, master" the figure said back, "they're all in bed." "Excellent!" Swackhammer smirked, "and you what to do tomorrow, my agent?" he asked the figure.
"Yes, master" the figure said back. The figure pulled down his hood and smiled grimly. The shadow figure was Tweetums!!!!!
What you could have done is kept the characters anonymous so people could be more curious about who they are, therefore creating suspense in the story. Here's just an example of how you could do it:
In front of the hooded figure, sat a green skinned alien with purple spots, wearing a marron business suit with a blue tie neatley tied around their fat neck. They cleared their throat as it's eyes bured red and yellow through the darkness.
"Have you brung the Loonatics here?" The alien inquired.
"Yes, master." The hooded figure replied. "They're all in their beds."
"Excellent!" The alien's thick lips parted into an evil smile. "And you know what to do tomorrow, my agent?"
The figure nodded confidently.
"Tomowwow, the Woonatics will be no more," They answered. "And you will be able to take over the pwanets, Incwuding their home pwanet, Acmetwopolis..."
Notice how I've kept the characters anonymous so the audience would wonder who the figures are and what is going to happen. This makes the story more exciting for the reader, and this makes them want to know what happens next. If you give everything away before the action begins, the readers won't have any reason or motivation to reading the story any further.
Other than that, I like your concept on how the story is developing. But just take my suggestions into consideration.
This chapter might be a bit confusing because this chapter tells us a little bit about Sylth Vester and Tweetums' past and what happened on Planet Blanc years ago before the Loonatics were born, but it's STILL about the Loonatics getting off Planet Blanc.
Escape From Planet Blanc: Chapter 3
The next moring Loonatics were wide awake and dressed in their uniforms.
Ace gatered eveyone in Tweetums' living room to discuss on either to stay on Planet Blanc or not.
"I say we blow this joint, and go back home to Acmetropolise!" Duck spoke out loud. "This place has been nothing but misery ever since we came here!"
"Well, I didn't know all this going to like this", Ace try to say it fairly, but still feels kinda guilty for thinking about staying here.
Duck jumped and start yelling at Ace, "And you! If you haven't suggested that we should make this planet our new H.Q. , we wouldn't be here in thefirst place! Deuce must've fried your brain before you banished him into oblivion!"
"Well, it could worse", Tech came into the conversation
"How could get worse!? Things already had gotten terrible since day one, smartypants!" Duck said angrly at Tech.
Just that moment, Tweetums spoke through a speaker in a different room and the Loonatics listened to it like school students listening to an annoucement from the principal.
Tweetums said, "Attention Woonatics, I'll be taking my annual bath soon and I want Mr.Duck to scwub me from top to bottom."
That little speech was enough to blow Duck's top off.
"That is it!" Duck screamed, "That royal pain in the highness can make me walk up the stairs with heavy lougage, he can serve me rotten food, but I am NOT gonna give that little tweerp a bath!"
Duck stomped toward the wall and start bangging his head on it.
The shaking of the wall that Duck banged his head on was weak enough to knock off the giant picture of Tweetums.
The other Loonatics moved of the way when the picture started to fall.
Duck stopped banging his head and looked at the fallen picture on the floor behind him,"I'm picking that up either" he continued.
"That was close", Slam said as he looked at the fallen picture.
"What a minute" Lexi noticed something when she looked up atthe wall, "there's another painting right there."
Duck moved far back to what Lexi was talking. Lexi was right, there was another painting on the wall where Tweetums painting was.
The painting had a young couple of anthro cats. The male cat in the brown robe had black and white fur, light-green eyes, and a big red nose; while the yellow female cat had braided blond hair and wore a light blue gown.
The Loonatics noticed something firmilar about the male cat.
"You're right Rev" Ace answered, "that black cat looks alot like Sylth Vester!"
Duck disagreed, "There aint no way that guy could be Sylth Vester! He dosen't that big, heavy armor on himand he got a chick with him."
"Actually-it-is-quite-possible-that-the-cat-guy-could-be-Sylth-Vester-cause-this-painting-must-really-and-was-made-when-Sylth-was-young-not-child-young-I-mean-" Rev started blabbering, but Tech grabbed his roadrunner friend's beak before he could finish his sentences.
"That's enough info that we need to know",Tech said to Rev.
Lexi looked at the painting again and noticed something else.
"Guys, look the girl cat's hand", she said to the boys.
They all looked closely at the female cat's hand that Sylth Vester is holding, and noticed that she was wearing a wedding ring on her finger.
"Could she be Sylth's wife?" Lexi gased while the eveyone else was speech-less.
Cassidy: Danielle told me to tell you that she was so surprised that she couldn't really say anything....*looks at unconscious me* Fruitcake..
__________________
I believe in Jesus Christ as my Saviour
Lucky: Why can't you Toons just enter a room normaly?! Bonkers: Us Toons don't do normaly things! That's what makes us sooo adorable! X3 Lucky: Yeah, like a trainwreck. -__________-
Cassidy and Dusk: Freaky siamese twins seperated at birth.... ~ Andrea
Many thanks to HCoyote for the awesome avatar! I love it! <3
Danni- Official supporter of Tessidy, Sethidy, Cassless, Duri, Seck, Ricy, Dapphire, Calric, and Cassaghu 83 And Maley D. Because it's wrong. \8D/
Not to agrue with you,but nobody's perfect you know. I had re-edited it about three times to make sure I fixed all of my mistakes.
-- Edited by WBFanatic at 08:50, 2008-08-14
Well I'm sorry if you feel that way. It's just if you don't know the rules of grammar and spelling, then your writing would be very confusing for the readers to read.
However, the third chapter is a major improvement from the last two chapters. You've included those points I suggested, and you've created a little mystery towards the end as well. You may need to work on your spelling, but overall you've managed to improve on the story.
"Did Sylth Vester ever mentioned his wife when he captured you on his ship, Duck?", Ace asked him.
"Well no" Duck said back, "except for showing me all the scars and wounds Tweetums gave him", he cringed trying not to picture them in his head.
At the moment, Tweetums spoke on speaker again. "Oh Mr. Duck" he said, "I need you to help me with my bath."
Duck rolled his eyed and sighed, "Well you solve this mystery, I have to go scub the little zit, again."
He walked away out of the living room.
Minutes later in the bathroom, Tweetums was enjoying his bubble bath while Duck was standing on the far backside.
"Anything else you want, you royal brat?" Duck question him angerly.
"Hmm, the bubbles in my bath are dissolving fast" Tweetum said he slashed his hand in the water, "go to my bedwoom and fetch me some bath beads."
Duck made an annoyed face and walked out of the bathroom.
Once Duck was in Tweetums' room, eveything in it was a big and fancy, much more bigger to be a room for a four canary like Tweetums. Duck walked towards Tweetums' dresser.
"Well, here's the little twerp's bath beads" Duck said he picks up a smal jar with yellow bath beads in it. Then Duck spotted a big brown hard cover book with Planet Blanc's symbol on it.
"Hello, what's this?", Duck said he puts down the jar and look inside the book.
Each page that Duck turned had enough information about Tweetums that other Loonatics must know.
"I got show this to Tech to see if he can figure this out", Duck said to himself as he closes the book, grabs it, and went straight into the living room.
Meanwhile the living room, Ace and the other Loonatics were still trying figure out what's going on Planet Blanc.
"This is getting real big here" Ace said to his team mates, "foist Tweetums said his soivents aren't around here and now Sylth Vester had wife with no tace of what happened to her."
"Come to think of it" Lexi noticed something again, "we didn't see any other live sources here on Planet Blanc when we were looking for Tweetums."
At the moment, Rev entered in a flash, "Hey Rev" Ace asked him, "did you find anyone on Planet that can tell us about the strange disappearances?"
Duck finally entered the living with the book in his left arm. "Guys, you got take a look this" he showed the book to the Loonatics, "I thinkit's Tweetum's journal."
"Isn't that an evasion of privisey?" Lexi asked.
"There's nothing privite about this journal" Duck said to Lexi as he opened the book and turned the pages, "it has some weird and boring stuff about the little runt like redectorate his room, ruling the kingdom, an Egg-bot machine, collecting toenails.."
One of the entries caught the Loonatics minds. "What was the last entry that you said?" Tech asked.
"Collecting toenails?" Duck asked with strange face.
"No, the one about the Egg-bot machaine" Tech corrected him, "lets take look at it."
Tech grabs the book from Duck and put on the coffe table for the Loonatics to look at it.
The pages also had a folded piece of paper and an enevolope in the middle of them, Tech took it out and unfold it.
"It's blue prints for the Egg-bot machine alright" Tech said after he unfold it, "what's the journal entry say, chief?"
Ace picked the book and read it, "It says, 'Since I, Sir Tweetums, is now the ruler of Planet Blanc, I hired some contruction woikers build me a robot-izing machine, so I can robot-ize anyone whotry to over-throw me into my Egg-bot slaves' ", he said he read the entry to the gang and started to freak out.
"Do you think that's what happened on Planet Blanc?" Lexi questioned.
Duck takes the enevolope out, "I think this must be the list of victums Tweetums roboy-ized" he said the gang with a scared look on his face.
Ace took the enevolope from Duck, opened it, and a very long came out of it.
Rev raced out to find the end of the long list.
"Oh my god!" Lexi freaked, "Tweetums robot-ized all of these people!?"
Rev raced back in with the other end of the list in his hand. "That's-not-all!" he said in a scared voice, "Look!"
Rev showed the end of the list. The list had the Loonatics' names written a big red circle!
Everyone was shocked with wide-open eyes and dropped jaws.
Here's Chapter 5, this chapter forshadows some of Sylth Vester's pats and it's kinda sad.
P.S. King Noelden is a reference to the late and great Mel Blanc's son. Noel Blanc.
Escape From Planet Blanc: Chapter 5
"How can that be!?" Ace said all freaked out, "Tweetums put our names on his list of victums he's going to robot-ize."
Lexi talked back, "Do you think that's what hapened to Sylth Vester's wife?"
"There's only one way to find out" Tech answered Lexi's question, "we're have talk to Sylth Vester on his side of the story here."
Moments later (and after Slam got up from fainting), the Loonatics arrived to the royal dungeon to talk to Sylth Vester about Tweetum's plan.
Sylth was sitting on his bed doing nothing, until the Loonatics knocked on the door bars.
"What do you want?' Sylth asked in an angry tone.
"Sylth, can you tell us what Twetums is up to?" Ace asked him.
"Stho you finally need my help agian now?" Sylth said he walked toward the Loonatics, "I told you that the canary couldn't be trusthted, and did you do? I ingnor me when I was telling the truth and now you're closth to your doom."
"Now go away, before Tweetumsth findsth you!" Sylth said as he turned away and walk back to his bed.
"Sylth Vester, wait!" Lexi shouted to stop him, "We know about your wife."
Sylth's mad face turned into a sad one and walked back to the Loonatics.
"Tweetums-did-something-terrible-to-he-didn't-he?" Rev asked the sad cat.
Sylth was silent for a minute, then he spoke "Ill tell you what happened..."
Flashback of Sylth Vester's past: (Sylth Vester narrating)
"It all stharted before any of you were born and Planet Blanc'sth original ruler pasthed away"
All of the citizens on Planet Blanc were gatered around a coffen in a dark room.
"Me and Tweetumsth were two of the mosth honored guest for the funerrial"
"Citizens we are gathered here today" the preacher said to the crowd, "to honor the tradic death of King Noelden, a great and wonderful ruler of this planet."
After they covered King Noelden's grave, young Sylth Vester and Tweetums were right in the crowd talking.
"Poor Noelden", Sylth said with grief.
"Who cares?" Tweetums sassed, "that old man was gonna die anyways."
"Hey! King Noelden was like family to me" Sylth said back to the canary, "and you should sad for me about it too!"
Tweetums grumped, "I'm only here to for the annoucement of the new wuler of Wanet Wanc, my fwiend."
The peacher finaly pulled out a scroll to annouced the new ruler of Planet Blanc, "The new ruler of Planet Blanc is....." he said as he pulls down the scroll and the crow was silent, "Sylth Vester!"
"When I heard my name being called as th the ruler of Planet Blanc, I wasth thrilled about it, untill daysth later when the planet wasth in war and everyone disthcovered that King Noelden wasth dead becausth sthomeone poisthioned him"
"They knew it to be sthomeone was in the plasthe at night"
"Those fools will never suppected a thing", Tweetum said deviously.
Sylth asked Tweetums, "Suppected what?"
"That it was me who poisioned King Noelden, you idiot!", Tweetums shouted at Sylth Vester.
Sylth was shocked to hear what his friend just said.
"Tweetums?" Sylth asked sadly, "I thought you were my friend."
Tweetums said, "Wiend? I only twicked into being your wiend, putty tat, so I can be wuler of Wanet Wanc! That should've been MY spot here on thwon! Now it over to me!"
"You'll never be ruler of the planet, you twisted little buzzard!" Sylth shouted out, "and I'll eveyone that you were the one who killed King Noelden!"
"Don't count on it, putty tat" Tweetum shooked his head, "if you tell evwyone that it was my fault the king's dead, I'll poisioned your bewoved wife Salmina as well!"
"I had no choicth but to confusth that I was the one who poisthioned the king to save my wife Sthalmina's life"
"When Tweetumsth became ruler, his firsth rule was to banish me from Planet Blanc. I sthaid good-bye to Sthalmina for the very lasth time"
"Daysth later, I crashed landed on a planet called, Planet Jonesth. An old frog who lived on Planet Blanc, sthaid he can frosthee the pasth and future, so I told to show what happened to the people and Sthalmina on Panet sthincth I've been gone"
"He showed me the image of the whole awful thing, and I found my wife lying on the floor dead"
"What happened to her?" Sylth asked the old frog sadly, as he held his wife his arms.
"She's died from drinking the poison Tweetums pured in her drink" the old frog to Sylth in a fair tone, "Tweetums has now gone made with power."
Tears began to roll down the broken-hearted cat's face.
End of Flashback -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "And so I became obsessive with wanting revenage on Tweetums", Sylth said as he began to finish his story, "it lead to be in theis cold armor and be filled with pain and evilness."
The Loonatics bowed down their heads with sad faces.
Rev flicked off a tear from his eye.
Slam bagn to whale and blow his nose on Duck.
"Eww! Next time bring a tissue with you when something sad comes", Duck snapped at Slam while getting Slam's snot off of him.
"Well, thanks for us, Sylth" Ace said Sylth Vester with a sad face.
Ace turned around with a fighting face and said, "Alright Loonatics! Let's go beat the features off of that royal brat!"
"Now you're talkin'!" Duck agreed.
The Loonatics were getting ready to run.
"Wait!" Sylth shouted and the Loonatics stopped, "Before you go defeate the canary, I need you to go down to the death room and find Tweetum'sth sthpeture."
"Did he just say 'death room'?" Duck asked strangely.
To be frank I know no one likes Tweetums but making him as insanly evil as you've made him seems kind of silly.
I do find your commentary on the lack of people on planet Blanc and connecting to the robot birds somewhat intriguing
But I think (personaly anyway) that there is a better reason for no citizens on Blanc
Something I like to call LAZY WRITERS.
As a writer of scripts myself I've begun to relize how much it takes to make a cartoon show so the explanation for why we saw no citizens on planet Blanc
Citizens according to writers are boring and get in the way
Lucky: Why can't you Toons just enter a room normaly?! Bonkers: Us Toons don't do normaly things! That's what makes us sooo adorable! X3 Lucky: Yeah, like a trainwreck. -__________-
Cassidy and Dusk: Freaky siamese twins seperated at birth.... ~ Andrea
Many thanks to HCoyote for the awesome avatar! I love it! <3
Danni- Official supporter of Tessidy, Sethidy, Cassless, Duri, Seck, Ricy, Dapphire, Calric, and Cassaghu 83 And Maley D. Because it's wrong. \8D/
To be frank I know no one likes Tweetums but making him as insanly evil as you've made him seems kind of silly.
I do find your commentary on the lack of people on planet Blanc and connecting to the robot birds somewhat intriguing
But I think (personaly anyway) that there is a better reason for no citizens on Blanc
Something I like to call LAZY WRITERS.
As a writer of scripts myself I've begun to relize how much it takes to make a cartoon show so the explanation for why we saw no citizens on planet Blanc
Citizens according to writers are boring and get in the way
I do agree with what MOF (can I call you that by the way?) said. Although your spellings could do with an improvement, this story is getting better as each chapter goes on.
To be frank I know no one likes Tweetums but making him as insanly evil as you've made him seems kind of silly.
I do find your commentary on the lack of people on planet Blanc and connecting to the robot birds somewhat intriguing
But I think (personaly anyway) that there is a better reason for no citizens on Blanc
Something I like to call LAZY WRITERS.
As a writer of scripts myself I've begun to relize how much it takes to make a cartoon show so the explanation for why we saw no citizens on planet Blanc
Citizens according to writers are boring and get in the way
I do agree with what MOF (can I call you that by the way?) said. Although your spellings could do with an improvement, this story is getting better as each chapter goes on.
I re-edit the fanfic, so there AREN'T any "annoying" citizens in there anymore, and just put down words like "life-sources" that means any alive thing on the planet.
To be frank I know no one likes Tweetums but making him as insanly evil as you've made him seems kind of silly.
I do find your commentary on the lack of people on planet Blanc and connecting to the robot birds somewhat intriguing
But I think (personaly anyway) that there is a better reason for no citizens on Blanc
Something I like to call LAZY WRITERS.
As a writer of scripts myself I've begun to relize how much it takes to make a cartoon show so the explanation for why we saw no citizens on planet Blanc
Citizens according to writers are boring and get in the way
I do agree with what MOF (can I call you that by the way?) said. Although your spellings could do with an improvement, this story is getting better as each chapter goes on.
I re-edit the fanfic, so there AREN'T any "annoying" citizens in there anymore, and just put down words like "life-sources" that means any alive thing on the planet.
You don't have to re-edit the fan fic. What MOF was saying was that the WB writers were lazy, cos they couldn't be bothered to do anything good with the citizens. Sorry if you've re-edited it all already. MOF was talking about the WB writers being lazy.
Here's chapter 6, this part has an even bigger surprise never knew about Sylth Vester.
Escape From Planet Blanc: Chapter Six
Sylth explained to the Loonatics that the death room is in the South wing of the palace where it's never been used in years.
When the Loonatics got there, the South wing looked all spooky and old.
"Actually, wht is a death room ways", Duck asked.
Tech explain, "A death room is place inside a building where they burried lifes of people, mostly anyone who's royalty. The Eygptians and Middeivel times did this cause they believe in live after death."
"So, it's like an indoor cemetary?" Ace asked. "Something like that", said Tech.
The death room was very to find, the door was still opened. Inside where thosands of coffins covered with loads of dust and cobwebs.
Rev, being the most curious one, opened one of the coffins and saw one of the mummies in there.
That was one of the scariest things Rev had seen, he quickly shut the coffin closed .
"What did you found in there, Curious George?" Tech glared at Rev. "You-don't-wanna-know", Rev said back.
Lexi turned her head and say, "Quit goofing around, we're here to get Tweetum's septure." Slam spotted something shinning on one of the coffins.
"Oooh, shinning" Slam said as he pointed out where it is. "Great job there, Slam" Ace said to Slam while looking at where Slam pointed at, "there's the septure."
They all apporched the coffin and found out it is the septure. "Well, we found the shrimp's joystick" Duck said as he picks up the septure, "Know let's free Sylth and everyone else on Planet Blanc, beat the snot out of Tweetums, and head back home to Acmetropolise."
As Duck moves the septure with his arm, some of the dust on it flew in the air and touched Slam's nose.
"Ah...Ah...Ah..AHHHHHHHHH CHOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" Slam sneezed and flonged himself across the room, and accidently flipped a switch.
The room started to shake a bit.
"What happenning?" Tech asked as he grabs onto one of the support beams.
"I-don't-know", said Rev. "Look-over-there!" he looked at the walls.
The walls weren't moving towards the Loonatics, but were openning from the sides at small space of the coffin. Cold steam came out and a large metal object was going towards the Loonatics.
The object stopped, and the walls quit shaking.
"What is it?", Lexi question about the metal object. "It look like a craddle", Ace guessed.
The Loonatics walked to the metal craddle, and inside it was a something wrapped up in blacket with a little nose peeking out.
Ace unwrapped the blanket a bit, then the object in the blanket started to unwrap itself, and revealed that was.....
"It's a kitten!" The Loonatics shouted at the same time. "A kitten?" Slam questioned and scartched his head.
The living and breathing little kitten was balck and white and had red nose just like Sylth Vester.
"This must be Sylth and Salmina's kid", Tech said still in shock a bit. "Salmina must've been preggnet before she was poisioned", Ace continued.
Lexi picked up the kitten and blanket in her arms, and looked at the kitten. "Awwww!" she said with a smile, "She's so cute!"
Duck peeked in the kitten's diaper just to find it's real gender. "I think you mean, 'he' is cute", Duck to Lexi to explain the kitten is a boy.
The Loonatics managed to get away from the death room before Tweetums found them. They later went back to the dungeon to free Sylth Vester and give him his son.
Slam used his super strength to bend the bars of Sylth's cell open.
"You got the sthepture?" Sylth asked them without even facing them.
"We did", Ace answered while holding it.
"But we also have something that belongs to you", Lexi continued.
This time Sylth did looked at the Loonatics and saw what was in Lexi's arms. He got up and walked toward them and toke his son gently from Lexi's hands.
"Junior!?" Sylth said as he looked at his baby boy for the first time in long years, "You're alive!"
Intead of being scared from what his dad looks like, Junior just smiled and giggled, and hugged he's daddy's nose.
The strange thing happened while Sylth Vester was enjoy his first moments with his son, not only he was crying with joy, but his armor began to break and fall off.
The Loonatics gasped at what's happening to Sylth.
As the parts of the armor fell off, it appears that all of Sylth's wounds and scares were healed and wear another suit that isn't seen to be falling apart.
"Daddy", Junior said his first word. Sylth began to cry again,"Y-you call me 'daddy'."
After that, the last part of Sylth's armor fell off, his faced looked like the way it was before he had the armor, and the most importantly shocking thing was that Sylth turned out to be....
"Sylth was a Loonatic along?", Duck qusetion while the gang had their jaws dropped open.
Chapter 8 (and more info on Sylth's past) will be soon......
"You sthee, my frog guaru, Masthter Tennessthe , had trained me to become a warrior to defeate Tweetums"
"You've done well, my students", Master Tennesse said to young Sylth Vester.
"Thanksth masthter" young Syth replied, "stho what do I get?"
"I want you to have this", Master Tennesse said as he helds out a thin black wrist strap.
"Turnsth out that the sthtrap had a trigger on in that made me be in the sthuit that you Loonaticsth wore"
"You are now the Loonatic of Planet Blanc", Master Tenesse said proudly.
"Stho, what isth what you call a 'Loonatic'?" Syth questioned, "and am I the only or is there more?"
"A 'Loonatic', Sylth , is the protectors and chosen ones of each planet" Master Tenesse explained, "when the metor passes through or lands on a planet or trainned by someone who knows it, each chosen will gain powers and the strap to tranform in their suits."
Sylth questioned again, "If there are other Loonatics out there, why are some only chosen and what do have to protect our planets?"
"There is an Morontian alien named Swackhammer seeking for minions to destroy the chosen ones and control the planets for revenage" Tenesse said, "only all the Loonatics from each planet have to team up to defeat him."
"Masthter Tessthe alstho tell me that Tweetumsth'sth one on Sthwackhammer'sth minionsth and for me to join the stheven chosthen Loonaticsth of Acmetropolisthe in the future to help me to defeate him"
"Before you go, I have to tell to be aware of Swackhammer's other minoins" Master Tenesse warned Sylth, "some are what you at least expect to be."
"And after stho many yearsth of try to destoy Tweetumsth, he alwaysth plan ahead of me and lefted with sthcarsth and woundsth. Then an old lady named Queen Grannuisth sthaid she would help me, but I wasth wrong." "Queenuisth turned to be one of Sthwackhammer'sth minionsth, and she placthed a balck aura around me that put me in the heavy armor."
"Not only that black aura wasth controlling me to be evil, I couldn't contol mysthelf, and the aura will only fade off of me isth that I rectheived what I longed for."
End of Flachback --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh-I-get-it-know-the-black-aura-was-controlling-you-cause-it-was-feasting-on-your-will-for-revenge-on-Tweetums-and-the-thing-you-longed-was-you-son-cause-he-only-surivior-of", Rev started to talk then Tech shut his beak.
"We get the picture already", Tech said to his roadrunner friend and let go of his beak.
Ace spoked, "Well now that we got the septure, we can free the people of Planet Blanc now."
"Don't even tink about it!", a voice called out from behind the Loonatics.
They turned around to find out it Tweetums on a hover-board and holding a box.
"How'd you find out, you shrimp!?" Duck shouted tio the canary.
"Apawently, someone seek into my woom, took my journal, and weft in the wiving woom opened", Tweetums glared at Duck with smirk.
"D'oh!" Duck slapped his forhead.
"The jeg is up, Tweetums!" Ace yelled.
"We know what you did this planet!" Lexi added.
"You're a bad birdie!" Slam added too.
"T'ank you for noticing" Tweetum said dowm to them, "but know I need take few t'ings with me."
Tweetums open the box, and two metal claws came out.
One grabbed the septure, and the one snatched Junior from Sylth.
"Leave my sthon alone!" Sylth commanded Tweetums.
"No can do, putty tat" Tweetums shook his head, "you see I'm wanning on elimated all of you started with with your baby."
Tweetums flew away with Sylth Jr. crying for his daddy.
"We-can't-let-that-muchikins-get-away-like-that!" Rev said to the Loonatics.
"You're right, Rev!" Tech said back to him, "Loonatics, let's jet!" he commaned the other to fallow.
"Hey! That's my line you stole, Tech!", Ace shouted to Tech.
"Snooze you lose, chief" Tech said while running.
The Loonatics and Sylth Vester rushed to catch Tweetums.
Here's chapter 9, and it's the battle with Tweetums!
Escape Fropm Planet Blanc: Chapter 9
Somewhere in a cave outside of the kingdom, Tweetums held Sylth Jr. hostage right by his robot-izing machine and all of his Egg-bots around the place.
"Shut your twap up, you bwat!" Tweetums yelled at the crying kitten.
"In a few minutes, you'll be one of my Egg-bots", he contuinued as he straps Sylth Jr. onto one of the seats by the machine.
Tweetums was about ready to start it.
"Let go of the kitten,Tweetums!" a voice called from above the cave.
The Loonatics and Sylth were standing by the exist of the cave.
"Daddy!" Sylth Junior said as he stopped crying and smiling.
"How wery touching" Tweetums said saracaticly to the Loonatics, "you've come this way to save this widdle baby and weunite a family."
"But know you won't be able to get away fwom this pwanet, was I unweashed my ulimite fown", He continued as his holds the speture, takes out the diamond out from the middle, and swallows the diamond.
"That's it!?" Duck asked all puzzled, "He swallowed a diamond!?! That has got to be the worst thing he to threat-"
Before Duck could finish his sentents, Tweetums began to grow bigger. His arms turned into bat wings, his small beak began to go long with sharp teeth sticking out, he grew claws on his toes, and a long started growing a horn from the back of his head.
When the transformation was complete, Tweetums a become a giant canary-like pteradactyle.
"I-think-we're-reliving-a-sceane-from-Jurassic-Park", Rev said as he looked up with a scared look on his face.
"Uh oh", Slam said not looking so brave either
Tweetums sceatched out loud and began to attack!
The Loonatics scaddered away from Tweetums to distract him and think of way to defeat Tweetums.
Sylth quickly got to the machine by jumping with his reflects and unstrapped his son from the seat before it was too late.
"The robotizer" Tech said as he looks at it when Sylth was getting Junior, " It's still actived."
"If I can just reverse it, we can free the slaves while we stall Tweetums from noticing", Tech planned out.
"Great plan genuise" Duck said sarcasticly,"But how are we gonna stall the freak of nature from watching the machiane?"
"There's no time to expalin, Duck" Lexi said as she spot Tweetums destorying the inside of the cave to find them.
"Tech, you and Rev reveoise the robot-izer" Ace said to Tech, "we'll handle the rest."
Ace rushed to battle Tweetums with Duck, Slam and Lexi fallowing him out, while Tech and Rev went straight to the robotizer.
Tweetums finally found the Loonatics and looking all ticked off.
"I tawt, I tawt the Woonatics!" Tweetums squacked.
"I hope you'll see this coming too!" Ace said he pulls the Guardian Strike Sword out and lauched raedy to attack.
Ace, Lexi, and Duck began to battle Tweetums and dodge from his attacks.
"This is for making me scrub your nasty little feet!" Duck said he threw one of his "eggs" at Tweetums face.
The sticky substance blinded Tweetums' eyes so he wasn't able to see what the Loonatics planned to strike him with next.
"Good woik, Duck!" Ace said to Duck, then he looked at Lexi, "Now Lex, are you ready?"
"I'm ready, Ace", she replied.
"Guardian Strike Sword Attack!" Ace shout as the beams from his sword and Lexi's Ultra Sonic Ear Blast aimed at the same time at Tweetums.
Meanwhile, Tech and Rev are still at the robotizer.
"Is-it-ready-Tech?" Rev asked his coyote friend.
"It's done" Tech said after he finished re-wiring the machaine, "Now get the Egg-Bots to it right away."
"I'm-on-it!" Rev said as he zooms to the Egg-Bots
"Hey-omlettes-for-brains!" he tauted the egg-shped robots, "You-wanna-piece-of-me!?"
"Then-kiss-my-tail-feathers-and-catch-me-if-you-can-you-slowpokes!" Rev said as he shook his tail at them.
He ran away back to the robotizer as the Egg-Bots started chasing him in a line.
"They're-coming-Tech" Rev said to Tech about the Egg-bots, "now-start-the-machaine!"
Tech turned the robotizer on, and Rev moved away from the Egg-Bots coming towards the entrence of the machine.
As each Egg-Bot went to the machine, they came out back into their original-selves as the citizens of Planet Blanc and free from Tweetums control.
Back with the other Loonatics, Slam began to spin around with Tweetums' foot in his hands.
Slam let go of Tweetums' foot and throws him across the left of the cave.
"That' enough Slam" Ace to him as Tweetums fainted, "He's down and out."
Ace, Lexi, Duck, and Slam walked towards Tweetums.
"Alright, Tweetums," Duck said to the big canary with a smirk, "looks like your plan is thowled."
Tweetums twitched a bit, wiped the "egg" from his eyes and said, "That's what you tink."
He slapped the four Loonatics with his wing and got up to star flying again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After Rev and Tech freed all of the citizens and telling them to go out of the cave, Sylth was right in between two stalagmites with Sylth Junior in his arms.
Sylth began to think, "I know I wasth a coward for sthaving eveyone and betraying the Loonaticsth ago, but I know wht I musth do. I gotta help the Loonaticsth and sthop Tweetumsth."
Sylth walked to Tech, Rev, and the citizens.
"That's-all-of-them-Tech" Rev said after the last citizen came out, "now-lets-go-help-Ace-and-other-beat-Tweetums."
"You got it!" Tech said back.
Before the two were ready to go, Sylth stood right by and said, "Wait! I'll help you."
Sylth gave Junior to one the citizen to hold so he can battle Tweetums, and started fallowing Tech and Rev to fight Tweetums.
