Me: I SHALL HAVE THEE FERRET GOD OF DOOM SMITE YE DOWN IF YE FAIL TO DO SO!!!!!! I SHAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!! Ozzie: *standing on a tall pillar in a cape and robes with his stone glowing* MWAHAHAHA!!!!! Do as she says or I shall turn you all into bugs! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Ant:... Is that supposed to be a threat? Rev: *squeals like a girl and jumps into Ace's arms* They're BACK!!! D8
Writing a book is always fun. When your done with this first one you will throw your hands in the air and yell nothing but "DONE!"
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Me: I SHALL HAVE THEE FERRET GOD OF DOOM SMITE YE DOWN IF YE FAIL TO DO SO!!!!!! I SHAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!! Ozzie: *standing on a tall pillar in a cape and robes with his stone glowing* MWAHAHAHA!!!!! Do as she says or I shall turn you all into bugs! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Ant:... Is that supposed to be a threat? Rev: *squeals like a girl and jumps into Ace's arms* They're BACK!!! D8
The one-worders that release all the releif from your body. ^^
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Me: I SHALL HAVE THEE FERRET GOD OF DOOM SMITE YE DOWN IF YE FAIL TO DO SO!!!!!! I SHAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!! Ozzie: *standing on a tall pillar in a cape and robes with his stone glowing* MWAHAHAHA!!!!! Do as she says or I shall turn you all into bugs! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Ant:... Is that supposed to be a threat? Rev: *squeals like a girl and jumps into Ace's arms* They're BACK!!! D8
You just feel this wait lifted off your chest, right? ^^
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Me: I SHALL HAVE THEE FERRET GOD OF DOOM SMITE YE DOWN IF YE FAIL TO DO SO!!!!!! I SHAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!! Ozzie: *standing on a tall pillar in a cape and robes with his stone glowing* MWAHAHAHA!!!!! Do as she says or I shall turn you all into bugs! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Ant:... Is that supposed to be a threat? Rev: *squeals like a girl and jumps into Ace's arms* They're BACK!!! D8
Abby: Do you think it's possible to die from boredom? Chen: I don't think so. Abby: What if your mind wandered off in a daydream and you forgot to eat or drink for days? Chen: Then you'd die of starvation and dehydration. Abby: Caused by boredom.
Good luck.I'll look for it if it geets published.If ya need any help qith it,I'm here too!
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"Is it just me or is she kinda cute when she's angery",-Hunter(spyro year of the dragon). -Yes I have been converted into a Duckie,GO DUCK AND HIS GREATNESS xD!
-When everylife meet's another life,Something shall be born- quoted by Cynthia The Shinno Elite 4 Champion.
"Is it just me or is she kinda cute when she's angery",-Hunter(spyro year of the dragon). -Yes I have been converted into a Duckie,GO DUCK AND HIS GREATNESS xD!
-When everylife meet's another life,Something shall be born- quoted by Cynthia The Shinno Elite 4 Champion.
I envy you THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT much... If it gets published (and it will), be sure, I'LL READ IT. (if it comes to greece either way -_-;)
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<----- LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
My heart beats for LP <3 (and another thousand bands -_-;)
Ehm... I've been thinking and... ehm... Nevermind...
I'm pretty much stopped at a sentence were Jason and 5 if his friends just got flown off this giant bike by this strange substance. And now they are puzzled off what happened, now i don't know how to continue from that point.
I envy you THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT much... If it gets published (and it will), be sure, I'LL READ IT. (if it comes to greece either way -_-;)
It's not published yet but i'll be sure what i can do when i do get the trilogy published.
My friend and I wrote about twelve books. Took two whole years!!! We haven't published them, but a lot of people have read them. Trilogies are really good. Anyone read Uglies? I write series.
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Peace. Love. Hope.
I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior.
SAYING is one thing, ACTION is another I'm your typical ACEandLexishipper.Fear me!!! ( )_( )( )_( ) (='.'=)(='.'=) (")_(")(")_(")~~It's so Cute!!!
I envy you THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT much... If it gets published (and it will), be sure, I'LL READ IT. (if it comes to greece either way -_-;)
It's not published yet but i'll be sure what i can do when i do get the trilogy published.
Yeah... you do that...
*is green with envy*
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<----- LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
My heart beats for LP <3 (and another thousand bands -_-;)
Ehm... I've been thinking and... ehm... Nevermind...
I'm pretty much stopped at a sentence were Jason and 5 if his friends just got flown off this giant bike by this strange substance. And now they are puzzled off what happened, now i don't know how to continue from that point.
Hmmmmmmm......well, where does this take place? And what's the story about exactly?
Well, in the first book Jason(15) and his brother Simon(17) got into a big fight and they both got grounded. Later in the night time, Jason sneaks to his father's lab (who is a scientist). Then he finds a potion and drinks it. He finds out that instead of him becoming stronger so he can beat his big bro up, he gets invisible.
Earlier Jason and Simon look at the television that they see an new advertisement that they believe that it is called a Station Hotel.
This is supposed to be the year 1998.
Then his brother disappears and he ends up going to this station hotel place along with his old school buddies: Mike, Aaron, Julie and Ryan.
Jason then finds out that every time he focuses his eyes turn a different colour and produce a different power.
Then Jason discovers he has a dark enemy named, Equinox.
In book 2 it continues.
Now in book 3 there was a big unusual storm with purple clouds. Then a motorcycle comes to Jason's house to save Aaron's older sister, Jamie.
Now Jason and his friends are stuck in the middle of a highway at 1:00 in the morning.
Well, in the first book Jason(15) and his brother Simon(17) got into a big fight and they both got grounded. Later in the night time, Jason sneaks to his father's lab (who is a scientist). Then he finds a potion and drinks it. He finds out that instead of him becoming stronger so he can beat his big bro up, he gets invisible.
Earlier Jason and Simon look at the television that they see an new advertisement that they believe that it is called a Station Hotel.
This is supposed to be the year 1998.
Then his brother disappears and he ends up going to this station hotel place along with his old school buddies: Mike, Aaron, Julie and Ryan.
Jason then finds out that every time he focuses his eyes turn a different colour and produce a different power.
Then Jason discovers he has a dark enemy named, Equinox.
In book 2 it continues.
Now in book 3 there was a big unusual storm with purple clouds. Then a motorcycle comes to Jason's house to save Aaron's older sister, Jamie.
Now Jason and his friends are stuck in the middle of a highway at 1:00 in the morning.
What should come after that?
-- Edited by steve123 at 20:32, 2008-11-16
Sounds good.
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Abby: Do you think it's possible to die from boredom? Chen: I don't think so. Abby: What if your mind wandered off in a daydream and you forgot to eat or drink for days? Chen: Then you'd die of starvation and dehydration. Abby: Caused by boredom.
Abby: Do you think it's possible to die from boredom? Chen: I don't think so. Abby: What if your mind wandered off in a daydream and you forgot to eat or drink for days? Chen: Then you'd die of starvation and dehydration. Abby: Caused by boredom.
My friend and I wrote about twelve books. Took two whole years!!! We haven't published them, but a lot of people have read them. Trilogies are really good. Anyone read Uglies? I write series.
Uglies, Pretties and Specials are three very interesting stories. :3 I couldn't really stand that Extras book, though. It was... extraneous, for lack of a better word.
As for the OP, I have two bits of criticism that I hope you'll take with a grain of salt.
1) Your story has interesting bits, but I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on. I'm sure if I read it, I might understand - and thus, be able to offer plot advice - but at the moment, it just sounds like a series of random ideas. I'm honestly not sure how you can develop your story more without making it more cohesive.
2) This is a slightly more personal issue for me, but it could highly impact your story; have you been writing the books the same way you post responses on the forum? You need to be capitalizing your I's, and the occasional spelling and grammar check does wonders. If your story contains errors such as "a eight book series" - where the first word in quotes NEEDS to be 'an' - you may want to reconsider going to a publisher right away. Getting someone to proofread your writing is always helpful; errors happen to even the most meticulous of writers.
Your age may also play into account here. If you're 12, as I'm suspecting you are, then you may want to acquire a little more experience in the literary field. After all, even the most gifted twelve-year-old writer wouldn't get published; I've learned firsthand that just about anything you do prior to your later teens is comparatively rubbish to anything you can produce later in life.
TL;DR - Your story needs to be more cohesive, and could use a massive grammar and spelling check. Possibly; I still haven't read the books in the span it's taken me to write this response, or for you to read it. However, don't give up hope on becoming a writer just because of a little criticism; learn from it and see where you can take your story. You'll get better as you get older. Also, as awesome as the idea of a flying motorcycle sounds now, it could seem grotesquely idiotic to you when you get older. I cringe at nearly every story/artistic idea I had when I was younger.
Also, unrelated to your story, I'm sure it'd be easier for everyone if you wrote with the same grammar and spelling you'd see in a book. Much easier on our brains when it comes to reading some of the things you've posted.
Well, even in your last post, you didn't capitalize the letter i when you were referring to yourself in the first person. Also, there are a few instances where your sentences shift around and cease to make sense. I'd pull up a few examples, but it's 6AM where I live and I'm WAY too tired to do so at this moment.
You also have a few issues regarding the use of "a/an" before words, as well using weird sentence and bracket placement. Your commas are also put in the wrong spots at times.
Mostly, I'd advise reading over your posts/work once or twice. Saying things aloud helps you notice when things sound out of place or strange. Unless that's your intention, which happens occasionally.
And I agree with you, Dragon Wing. SO MUCH. D: I miss when literacy was evident and 'you' had three letters.
Well, you've only given us a few of the big details. At the moment, none of them seem to mesh together very well. I'm having a hard time seeing how Jason taking an invisibility potion leads to him and 5 friends going to rescue his brother from a hotel. The whole "colour change, power change" concept also confuses me a little, but... yeah.
If you put up a paragraph or two from the story, we might be able to give it a fairer judgement; at the moment, it just seems like a lot of unrelated information. *Shrug*
I am on the third book of the nineteenth chapter! 10 more to go until I finish the third book...I am getting somebody to edit my first book before it gets published.
<----- LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
